Nietzsche said that if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you, which is why I never stare directly at…
MADISON, Wis. — Local screen printer Peter Taylor admitted he could really use the $10 check his grandmother would send him every Christmas until her…
ELGIN, Ill. — The Texas-based orchestral pop collective The Polyphonic Spree stunned the wait staff of Bennigan’s when they requested 25 separate checks to be…
CHANDLER, Ariz. — Gina Feldspar, bassist for punk band Piss Ritual, performed a periodic inventory of “good” and “bad” teeth by using her tongue to…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Local man Johnny Jarvis had to check Spotify to confirm he was actually enjoying the song he found himself bobbing his head…
PHILADELPHIA — Straight edge punk Marieka Layton is definitely getting screwed over at this tapas restaurant when her friends decide they’re going to split a…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local determined man Chris Vazquez went overboard Tuesday evening when he ate an entire bag of Lay’s potato chips in an effort…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to criticism over his planned $1,400 stimulus check, President-elect Joe Biden clarified that a full $2,000 version would be coming to…
WASHINGTON — House and Senate Republicans agreed today that, rather than issue additional stimulus payments, Americans would be better off investing their previous stimulus in…
NASHUA, N.H. — Local record collector Scott Kilduff spent his entire stimulus check on a single Japanese import LP yesterday that he deemed more important…
SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record label, according to perplexed sources…
WASHINGTON — Spouses of EVE Online players are growing anxious after learning that the government was sending stimulus checks to Americans during the COVID-19 pandemic.…
OMAHA, Neb. — Newly hired sound guy David Murphy was “not about to take fucking notes from some bullshit guitarist” last Friday night when sound-checking…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary horror rocker and Misfits frontman Glenn Danzig is already mentally spending the annual bump in royalties he expects to receive from…
TUCSON, Ariz. — A local show’s merch line was held up last night for more than 11 minutes when aging punk rocker John “The Don”…