PORTLAND, Ore. — White progressive voters across the country announced they were excited by how many different races, genders, and ethnicities they can blame for…
WASHINGTON — Vice President-elect J.D. Vance made history earlier this week when he became the first person to hold the office who is extremely unsettling…
WASHINGTON — Members of the Kamala Harris campaign admit they were deeply troubled by the complete lack of dead people voting in this year’s election,…
WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple…
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former President Trump made a last-minute appeal to all potential voters with a simple message: “If you don’t vote for…
Legendary musician, producer, and seemingly the luckiest son of a bitch around, Quincy Jones died at his home in Bel Air Sunday night just a…
AUSTIN, Texas — J.D. Vance sat down for a three-hour interview with popular podcaster Joe Rogan to let potential voters know he’s just a completely…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary AFI frontman Davey Havok was overheard screaming “Do you know who I am?” at Harold’s Haunted Hayride employees while being forcibly…
WASHINGTON — The minds behind the much-reviled Project 2025 announced new plans to capture ecological superhero Captain Planet and his trusty Planeteers in order to…
WASHINGTON — President Biden sent his longtime friend Benjamin Netanyahu a thoughtful handwritten birthday card with a crisp $5 fresh off the mint, as well…
TAUNTON, Mass. — Local man Patrick Kelly surprised friends and family with his supposed “authentic” pronunciation of common Mexican foods after a week-long vacation in…
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Pioneering emo band Within Without announced the release of a new B-sides and rarities album which will let fans hear their favorite…
WASHINGTON — Legendary frontman Ian MacKaye stunned longtime fans by revealing the song “Straight Edge” was not meant to be an anti-drug anthem, but a…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former President Trump drew the ire of the worldwide population after posting “I HATE MOO DENG” on Truth Social at 2:37…
LOS ANGELES — Pop megastar Chappell Roan is facing backlash across the internet for her perceived unwillingness to use her celebrity status to single-handedly broker…