SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local mother Meredith Ashby displayed a performative expression of surprise and intrigue at a neighborhood cookout yesterday afternoon after reaching into the…
WASHINGTON — Centrist Democrats across the country expressed relief at seeing President Joe Biden dehumanize refugees with more decorum than his predecessor, sources reported. “After…
Well lookie what we have here. The Mystery Machine and its group of do-gooders. Running around, looking at clues, and chasing supposed “monsters.” It’s time…
OAKLAND, Calif. — The local Oakland hardcore scene announced today that it will collectively convert to being a heavily tattooed running group after months of…
This has to be some type of miscommunication. ICE just showed up at our front door. We allowed them in, of course, as we assumed…
WASHINGTON — Luxury fashion designer Hugo Boss AG has been selected to create a bold, new uniform for Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE], the federal…
AUSTIN, Texas — The Whole Foods Market grocery chain announced today that it will only sell produce picked by cage-free migrant children, in what the…
Yes, America has modern day concentration camps that hold migrant children in cages of their own filth. But we also understand that a new season…
EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
NEW YORK — The hosts of “Fox & Friends” demonstrated how drinking out of a toilet was “completely normal” on this morning’s broadcast of their…
ATLANTA — ICE agents arrested longtime Atlanta-based hip-hop duo Outkast last night, and are preparing to deport both members back to their home nation of…
CHICAGO — An Ice Puzzle Warning has been issued for residents in the Chicago region, with authorities advising residents to stay indoors lest they be…
EL PASO, Texas — Baby New Year, the mythical personification of hope and change, was detained at the Mexican/American border by ICE agents late last…
CHICAGO — Recently single Alex Parker was stunned to awake this morning in an ice-filled bathtub with his favorite hoodie forcefully ripped from his person…
AUSTIN, Texas – A 25-year-old junior marketing executive was detained by immigration officials today after attempting to cross the SXSW fence illegally, reports confirm. Sources…