Minor Threat remains the gold standard in hardcore even though they broke up 40 years ago. Some might say ranking their songs are a waste of time, that this is a pointless exercise, that we should “get a fucking life,” and guess what? We agree with you, but that’s not going to stop us. So put on your favorite beanie, grab your reading spectacles, and dig into our official rankings.
(Note: This list is based off of Minor Threat’s “Complete Discography,” and yes we know of the unreleased live song, but that’s not on the list. Also, we’re only counting “Out of Step” once. If you got a problem with that then go take your heart medication and calm yourself down.)
25. “Good Guys (Don’t Wear White)”
This should be no surprise. It’s dead last because it’s a cover song, it’s a stylistic departure, and the band that recorded the original, The Standells, also wrote that “Dirty Water” song which is annoying as hell to anyone from Massachusetts.
23. “12XU”
This is a cover of a song by Wire, and it has all the trademark Minor Threat aggressiveness, it’s just too bad the original song is complete shit. It sounds like a song that someone would play in American Apparel back in like 2006 and then if you asked for help finding something in a medium they would scoff and go make fun of you in the back room.
23. “Stepping Stone”
Look at that, another cover. This was originally recorded by Paul Revere and the Raiders. In case you forgot, Minor Threat were teenagers when they wrote most of their music, and teenagers like to cover songs. Teenagers also like to make fun of me when I go to the mall by myself to relax. Sorry if I find the atmosphere soothing you pricks. Anyway, this is easily the best cover they did, but come on, you can’t rank a cover song high up on the list.
22. “Cashing In”
This is another stylistic departure. Lyrically it’s as close to “funny” as Minor Threat will ever get. There is even one spot where they state that charging $4 for a show is ripping someone off. You hear that Taylor Swift? Anything more than $4 for a live performance is price gouging.
21. “Stumped”
“Stumped” was released two years after Minor Threat broke up, and it has hints of the direction Ian MacKaye was going to head musically, it’s like proto-Fugazi. But the fact of the matter is if I wanted to listen to Fugazi then I would go listen to Fugazi.
20. “Small Man Big Mouth”
We all know the short dudes with bad ‘tudes. The guys who are 5’4″ and decide they need to start lifting weights so they end up looking like a bowling ball. Then they buy a lifted truck where they need a little step ladder in order to get in. Yeah, these guys suck, but I want a little more lyrically from Minor Threat,
19. “Stand Up”
This is by no means a bad song, but it’s average in the world of Minor Threat. The lyrics are fun though, basically Ian is saying “fuck with me and I got an entire crew that’s going to light you up.” I could picture Ian as a Krang-type figure, he crawls into the stomach of a much bigger dude and controls him while he fights a gang of ninja turtles that go cause trouble at shows.
18. “Guilty of Being White”
The fact this song hasn’t been completely co-opted by the right is a modern miracle. Don’t play this song for anyone that says “White men are actually the most persecuted people in society right now” because then the chorus will become the soundtrack of their life.
17. “I Don’t Wanna Hear It”
I could spend this entry saying “Don’t like where this song is listed? Well, I don’t wanna hear it.” But I’m not going to sink that low. That level of hack writing should be left for clickbait content farms, and that is definitely not what we are going for with this sort of article. Got it?
16. “It Follows”
If your band wrote this song it would be the one you close out every set with. The crowd would love it and you would be hailed as geniuses, unfortunately it was written by Minor Threat and they have so many other songs that are somehow even better that it gets ranked this low.
15. “Sob Story”
Play this song for that entitled person in your life that thinks the world owes them something. You know the type. They have no talent, no drive, they refuse to learn anything new, but they still feel like it’s outside forces holding them back. Fuck those people. Anyway, this song comes in at 15.
14. “Minor Threat”
This song really encapsulates teenage angst without it being about lost love or overbearing parents like so many hacky pop punk bands over the years. It’s about having to grow up despite still feeling like a kid, something I’m sure we can all relate to. I play this song for the employees at Chuck E. Cheese every time they kick me out because I’m there alone, I just wanted to play the pop-a-shot hoop game.
13. “Think Again”
We a firmly in the territory where you could scramble the next few songs and nobody would actually be like “Wait, you put “Think Again” at 13? Your entire family should be murdered in front of you. What a fucking moron.” Great bass work on this song.
12. “Little Friend”
The first minute of this song is pretty average, in fact if the song stayed at that pace it would be ranked a lot lower. But then Minor Threat slows it down a bit and welcomes you to sing along with every word. Tough to say who the titular “little friend” actually is, so we are going to assume it was some sort of gecko or something.
11. “No Reason”
The singalong part in this song was probably really fun to see live. Go find a 55-year-old right now and ask them if they ever saw Minor Threat live, if they haven’t then call them a loser and shove them down a flight of stairs. Great song, but just outside the top 10.
10. “Bottled Violence”
Top 10 baby here we go. If that glass-breaking sound effect doesn’t get your blood pumping than see a doctor immediately. This 53 seconds of pure aggression. Put this song on next time you get in a bar brawl and then throw yourself through the plate glass window out front.
9. “Betray”
Imagine you were a Minor Threat fan back in the ’80s and you put on “Out of Step” on your turntable, as soon as you hear the song kick in you know you are about to tear your parents’ rumpus room to shreds. That’s why Dad should let you have a record player in your bedroom.
8. “Look Back and Laugh”
411 Video Magazine used this song for a Tum Yeto Canada Road Trip and if you’re a skateboarder of a certain age you know exactly how this song makes you feel. And it clocks in at over three minutes in length, basically Minor Threat’s version of “Dopesmoker.”
7. “Seeing Red”
This song is just over a minute long but it takes you on a wild, pissed-off ride the entire time. This is a fun one to slip onto the playlist at kid’s birthday party. The song is short so by the time someone says “What the hell is this music?” it will basically be over and the kids will be exposed to something cool for once.
6. “Screaming At a Wall”
Musically and lyrically Minor Threat is still developing, but “Screaming At a Wall” really shows everything they are capable of, and it’s one of the only Minor Threat songs that isn’t a band name at this point.
5. “Salad Days”
This is more or less Minor Threat’s swan song and you can tell because they utilize a bell. That’s right, a fucking bell. Any song with a bell is instantly better. Go ahead and listen to “Disarm” by The Smashing Pumpkins and tell me I’m wrong.
4. “Filler”
This opening guitar ring out has been ripped off, copied, or inspired so many other hardcore bands it’s tough to count. There was a recent National Highway Traffic Safety Administration report that said 99.99% of car accidents are caused by people losing their fucking minds with excitement as soon as they hear this song which causes them to ignore red lights, stomp on the gas, or just jerk the wheel around like a fucking maniac.
3. “Straight Edge”
The song that was never meant to start a movement. It holds a special place in the hearts of every straight edge person, and strikes dread in the people that used to be straight edge as they listen and think “I used to stand for something, I haven’t laughed at the thought of eating ludes since my first week of college.”
2. “Out of Step”
This biggest knock against this song is the “don’t fuck” line. If you are straight edge then you have had some bozo ask “oh, so are you waiting for marriage to have sex?” I went back and listened to this song at least three times and I must have missed the line about “saving your purity for your spouse” anywhere. Get the hell out of here. Most straight edge people don’t fuck simply because nobody wants to hang out with them. (Both versions of the song are great, the second version is just slightly better. And the Cynthia Connolly designed sheep is legendary.)
1. “In My Eyes”
I mean come on. This song right here has it all. Slow parts, mosh parts, recognizable lyrics, and a message that all straight edge people hang on to like that little goblin holds onto the shiny round thing in “Lord of the Rings.” Try not to lose your fucking mind if a band covers this song at a show, you can’t. You have to go completely nuts. Those are the rules.
Screaming Females came out swinging with their scrappy self-recorded and self-released debut. Paternoster cites some of her early musical heroes as Nirvana and Pearl Jam, but the influence of 90s alternative rock would be more apparent on later releases. Instead, “Baby Teeth” revels in its youthful exuberance with thrashy garage-pop, lots of silly lyrics, and even a few forays into ska. Paternoster’s terrific, distinct vocals get much stronger after “Baby Teeth,” though, which means it probably isn’t the album to start with. But if you can’t get enough of this band, it’s a great one to go back to.
The band lives up to their name on their second LP, also self-recorded/released. Paternoster is shouting her head off on the excellent, Pixiesesque opener “Theme Song,” and the record doesn’t let up from there. The band itself sounds harder and meaner, but retains the charm of a group willing to try any song that’s fun to play. Will someone sign these kids already?
Someone did. “Power Move” is the first Screaming Females record to be released on a label— Don Giovanni Records, also based in their home scene of New Brunswick, N.J.— and gives the band the perfect amount of upgrade by improving the sound quality without changing the recipe. It’s the most punk-sounding of the albums listed so far, with loud-quiet-loud dynamics, major keys anchoring melt-your-face guitar riffs, and lyrics that will make your mom ask if you’re doing okay (“The curtains part/The shades are flesh/Second hands turn to knives/You are buried in the nude”). All of this rocking is still accomplished with little to no overdubbing, so good luck being mad that your favorite band is signed now.
If you’re a Screaming Females superfan like I am (or a “Screamer” as I have just unfortunately dubbed us), you’ve probably noticed that so far we’re listing their albums in chronological order. That’s not happenstance or laziness, (we Screamers [this is going to catch on] are notoriously precise and hardworking!), but because for the first half-decade of their career, SF just got stronger with each release. On 2010’s “Castle Talk,” Paternoster’s voice has reached full power, effortlessly shifting from Stevie Nicks warble to wraith-like shriek mid-song. The drums, bass, and guitar are in lockstep with each other from years of sharing the same stage. Musically the songs are more adventurous here— with pretty, emo-ish chord progressions mixed into the record’s hardcore stew. The band started to gain some critical attention from this one, so time to get on the horse or be trampled underfoot. I truly apologize for naming us Screamers (no I don’t).
And now we exit the chronological and enter the preferential! The offerings in the latter half of Screaming Females’ discography are more diverse, so ranking them depends on what your favorite flavor is. Their most recent album is the band’s third with producer Matt Bayles, and though the production is the slickest it’s ever been it manages not to sacrifice the raw power of their sound or make a record that can’t be reproduced live. Paternoster is harmonizing with herself more on this one while taking fun departures into old-school punk (“Desert Train”), hooky radio-rock (“Ornament”) and power-pop that could turn Blondie green with envy (“Mourning Dove”). “Desire Pathway” isn’t afraid to be catchy, and serves as a perfect entry point to the band.
Way back in high school, Marissa Paternoster and Mike Abbate started playing music together under the tutelage of a math teacher who forced them to learn Phish songs and called it “Music Club.” The alternative/punk-leaning pair found themselves immune to the charms of the hippy jam band institution (but do yourself a favor and check out the Sugarbush 07/16/1994 rendition of “Run Like an Antelope.” Tell me your third eye doesn’t open a little bit!), but they would credit these early lessons with teaching them to improvise. Much later, in 2018, those skills show up big time on the weird and ambitious masterpiece “All At Once.” The band absolutely shreds on this one– their proggiest record by far. It starts with their best opener before or since (“Glass House”) and over its 15 tracks it leaves few stones unturned in its gleeful classic rock revelry (there’s even a Skynardesque, neo-soul ballad with “Bird In Space”). In less deft hands the result could be messy, but every Music Club indulgence yields beautiful results here.
With the heat of “Castle Talk” and years of touring behind them, Screaming Females finally got the Steve Albini Treatment. Since there wasn’t much frill here for Albini to trim, “Ugly” goes straight to the work of capturing the live feel of Screaming Females, and gives the listener the sense of hearing them play to a big room with a mosh pit for one. More than anything, “Ugly” sounds loud— Dougherty’s drums are more to the front of the mix than they’ve ever been, Abbate’s bass is rattling with fuzz, and Pasternator takes many gain-drenched, feedback-squealing guitar solos way into the red. The songs are the most abrasive of the band’s career, and it’s their longest album at 54 minutes, rewarding multiple plays through with the volume as loud as you can stand it.
For a songwriter who has said she doesn’t write songs that are about one thing in particular, “Rose Mountain” contains Marissa Paternoster’s most evocative lyrics yet. The record addresses dealing with chronic sickness and pain, after cutting the tour supporting “Ugly” short to deal with Paternoster’s initially undiagnosed illness of fibromyalgia. “Hopeless” is a break-up song addressed to one’s own body. “Ripe” practically dares an unnamed assailant to do their worst, with a repeated plea to “peel the skin raw,” and “pinch ‘til the feeling’s gone.” The only title track of the band’s career is named after Rose Mountain Care Center, a rehab in Paternoster’s native North Jersey that she saw as a child and dreamed of one day going to to get well. It’s not surprising that music so preoccupied with bodies and pain is among the band’s most visceral; it’s lean and direct at 35 minutes, only coming up for air long enough in a few spots to plunge you right back into its seething rage. Paternoster’s guitar work here pays homage to the ‘90s rock legends that inspired her to pick the instrument up as a teenager, and the album’s stellar closer “Criminal Image” wouldn’t sound out of place nestled with the best tracks on Siamese Dream. From the peak of “Rose Mountain” you can see everything the band has done before and after perfectly coalescing into their most cohesive, confident, and yearning collection of songs.
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