NEW BRIDGE, N.J. — Veteran Alex Gresham made it obviously clear to his family that he was not over his incredible and traumatizing three-person kill-streak…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Longtime Muse fan Peter Walker finally began his evolution into fandom of legendary prog-rock band Rush just days after his 50th birthday,…
NEW ORLEANS — A group of 30 to 40 fans moshing at a recent Green Day concert were allegedly paid to be there by liberal…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Alleghany County Jail admitted today, in a shocking revelation, that the XBOX it allows prisoners to spend their “positivity” token to play…
PASADENA, Calif. — A comprehensive study conducted at Stanford University revealed that for every ten people who regularly play League of Legends, nine of them…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — GameStop sales representative Donald Simpson quietly walked to the employee breakroom and proceeded to whip himself after failing to convince a customer…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Veteran Affairs revealed a catch-all cure for combat veterans that simply requires them to hide behind a box for five…
NEW YORK — After leaving to buy snacks midway through a screening of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Liam Brewster was shocked to discover that Marvel had already…
As a high school senior during the Trump presidency, I have found that defending progressive values is more important now than ever. That is why…
It is very important that cisgender white males like myself take our privilege and use it in service to various communities that need our support.…
LOS ANGELES — Graduating high school senior Cheryl Dowd announced she has no plans to port what has so far been a successful relationship with…
SEATTLE — A scheduled performance by Father John Misty was canceled last night after the singer began a long rant which culminated with him disappearing…
L OS ANGELES — Following decades of suffering, Lara Croft reportedly underwent a successful surgery today to reduce her incredibly large and geometrically pleasing breasts today. “After years…
WASHINGTON D.C. — After reportedly stating at a casual gathering of friends that her favorite series was Mass Effect and that she is “super excited” for…
NEW YORK CITY — Bill O’Reilly announced Wednesday he will leave Fox News in order to devote more time to his true passion: sexually harassing women.…