NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus T-shirt in preparation for his…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
RIVERBANK, Calif. — Meshuggah’s latest album The Violent Sleep Of Reason is riddled with hidden Morse code distress patterns from guitarist Fredrik Thordendal, according to…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death-metal band Cannibal Corpse and pop singer Nicki Minaj are working on a surprising collaboration birthed from a mutual appreciation of “ass…
Metal Lyricist Struggling to Find Right Word to Rhyme With ‘Maggot-Ridden Anal Contusion’
SHREVEPORT, La. — Goat Cadaver frontman and lyricist Jake Reid reportedly hit a wall in his songwriting process late last night after struggling to find…
DALLAS — Death metal band Moruthal experienced record-low turnouts for their show last Friday night after accidentally printing the time and location information in the…
Örnsköldsvik, Sweden — Metalhead Scott Armstrong hoarded his savings for nearly two years to take a pilgrimage to the “Mecca of Metal,” Sweden, only to…
Satan Reportedly Unimpressed with 2017 Metal Selection
HELL – Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of All Things Evil, is reportedly unimpressed with what he called, “the lackluster state of current…








