HOUSTON — Local death metal outfit Baby Skullcrusher announced via social media that they are changing their name to Goatopsy after years of playing under…
We Ranked the Top Metal Albums of 2021 per Subgenre, and We Just Made Some up To See if You Could Spot the Difference
Metal is all about precision. The meticulousness of a face-melting solo, the accuracy of a complex repeated riff. The exactness of a relentless blast beat.…
Metalhead Hospitalized for Nerve Damage in Neck Just From Thinking About Corrosion of Conformity Reissue
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local metalhead Damien Walsh is recovering at the Holly Hill Hospital after suffering severe nerve damage in his neck from visualizing himself…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Metalhead Tyler Cobb was the only patron to behave with respect and civility at airport bar Buster’s, while sporting a Cattle Decapitation…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
Sludge Band Would Be Death Metal If They Weren’t so Goddamn Tired All the Time
INDIANAPOLIS — Members of sludge band RESINator expressed a desire to play faster, heavier death metal, but admitted that they are just exhausted all day,…
Virgin Hopes Sex Isn’t How It’s Described in Cannibal Corpse Song
PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described in any of the Cannibal…
CHICAGO — Local metal fan Tracy O’Brien attempted to use the popular music identification app Shazam today to identify a death metal song while in…
DENVER — Attendees of a local pop-punk show last night reported The Only Wish bass player Robert White’s Godflesh shirt suggested he’d much rather be…
BROOKLYN — Two patients waiting in the Dr. Smiles dentist office were seen wearing the same shirt featuring Canadian tech-death band Cryptopsy, but showed no…
Man Making Fun of Metal Band Names Almost Names a Few
INDIANAPOLIS — A local jazz drummer’s rant last night about stereotypical death metal band names, using only morbid phrases and references to physical violence, reportedly…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus T-shirt in preparation for his…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
RIVERBANK, Calif. — Meshuggah’s latest album The Violent Sleep Of Reason is riddled with hidden Morse code distress patterns from guitarist Fredrik Thordendal, according to…