Aggressive Hims Commercials Start Listing Bald, Limp-Dicked Men by Name

Posted on by The Hard Times Staff

SAN FRANCISCO — A new campaign of directly targeted Hims ads on television and streaming platforms are calling out multiple bald or sexually inadequate men by name, confirmed sources wondering why they have been singled out.

“I was catching up on ‘The Bear’ and a very beige commercial came on talking about how a lot of men have erectile dysfunction. All of a sudden it flashed a photo of me on screen and a voiceover said ‘Including this dud named Gavin who is only 32 and couldn’t get hard if his life depended on it,’” said local programmer Gavin Farmer. “It was a 90-second ad and 45 seconds of it was one of my ex-girlfriends talking about my, um, troubles in bed. Like how I couldn’t get it up, and when I did I finished way too quick and how Hims could help with that as well. What she didn’t mention is how good I am at giving backrubs.”

Hims marketing executive Lee Whitlock defended the new ads and believes they will have a positive impact on the company’s bottom line.

“We initially launched with a series of commercials with just bald men we wanted to target. Basically calling them out for wearing beanies all the time, and saying if they use our spray they might have fuller hair in a few years,” said Whitlock. “Then we ramped it up and did a nationwide survey of unsatisfied wives and girlfriends and selected 100 men at random to target. As soon as they sign up for a doctor consultation we pull the spot mentioning them, and this puts every other soft cock in America on edge because hey, they might be next. So if you’re pushing rope you better go to our website immediately before the world knows you’re the sexual equivalent of unflavored yogurt.”

Advertising historian Adrian Bellow says there is a long history of companies directly targeting customers.

“When Viagra first hit the market there was a sales boom. Then it leveled off and Pharma companies started getting creative. They would take out ads in magazines like Popular Mechanics with a series of headshots of men suffering from ED under a headline that said ‘These Guys Can’t Fuck, Their Wives Need You,’” said Bellow. “That created a second boom, and it did sort of backfire when one of the men who was outed as having a floppy noodle set multiple cars on fire in the parking lot at Viagra headquarters.”

At press time, Hims competitor Roman unveiled a new product where they will send a virile young man to have sex with your partner in front of you.

Opinion: Sure, I Could Be Up Front About My Feelings, but Where’s the Months of Unnecessary Tension in That?

Posted on by Emma Jonas

Someone told me you find my communication style “passive-aggressive” and “conflict-avoidant to the point that it creates a bigger problem than there was in the first place.” I’ve actually been sending crystal clear signals by avoiding eye contact and sighing with exasperation after every time I speak to you, during which I use the bare minimum of words and respond with phrases like “Really? Ok, if you’re sure, I guess,” and “Um, sure, I’ll see if I can help you with that, but I don’t know, I’m pretty busy right now and this is a lot for you to throw at me.”

You sound just like my teachers, friends, partners, bosses, family members, and the guy next to me on the subway, who have all said that I’ve made them feel things like “uncomfortable in their work environment” or like I “don’t deserve to be in the will anymore.”

But after spending months nitpicking my communication style and trying to coerce me into sharing my private feelings, they each saw the light. My refusal to offer the merest glimpse into my vulnerable interior, which is frankly none of their business, has driven everyone in my life to give up trying to change me because I communicate that there’s no chance. My communication style is very effective!

You want to know how I feel? That’s for me to know and for you to piece together based on how I sign my emails. If you think I’m above flippantly saying something mildly to astoundingly insulting and walking away casually, as if I’d just made an innocuous comment on the weather, you need to examine what happened in your childhood that made you that way.

I pity your need to know everything. There’s no mystery to that. Can you imagine if Darth Vader had been introduced as Luke’s dad and Luke and Leia were introduced as siblings up top? We’d lose out on a whole world of psychosexual incestual family drama. Boring!

So the next time you want to corner me and demand to know why I’ve been glaring at you from across the room every day for three weeks, don’t be surprised when I tell you that you need to brush your teeth first if you want to have a conversation with me like an adult. You’re welcome for preserving a sense of mystery in this appallingly transparent world!

With cordial regards.

Prog Rock Fan Can’t Believe He Has to Sit Through 15-Second Ad Before Video Plays

Posted on by Mimi Kenny

PITTSBURGH – Philip Hansley, a self-proclaimed “scholar and devotee” of the progressive rock genre, expressed his outward frustration about having to wait for an unskippable 15-second commercial to finish playing before he could watch a video, several unshaven sources report.

“This is fucking bullshit,” Hansley was heard yelling at his laptop, six seconds into an ad for online pet care retailer Chewy after he realized the “Skip” button wasn’t going to show up as early as he was hoping it would.  “Why is it taking so long? Who the hell has time for this much pointless nonsense? I feel like every fucking second of my life is getting sucked up by advertising. My time is precious and I simply refuse to allow it to be wasted so wantonly.”

Otto Dawson, Hansley’s roommate and fellow “proghead” who could hear him distinctly in the next room, says this occurrence isn’t uncommon.

“Multiple times a week, you can count on Phil getting upset because he can’t see that 35-minute ‘Tarkus’ live performance or whatever else quite as quickly as he would like,” Dawson said. “I try and tell him to just install an ad-blocker, but he says that would be ‘a hassle’ and ‘take too long’. I’m not sure if someone I know has listened to and enjoyed ‘Moonchild’ sober at least 30 times is the best judge of time management.” 

Dr. Jedediah Stivers, a professor of music history at  Northwestern University, notes Hansley’s behavior as a clear-cut example of the phenomenon known as “prog patience,” said to have been first observed in patients sometime in 1970. 

“Philip, like so many other prog fans, exhibits incredible patience and resilience in some instances, such as while listening to all six parts of Yes’ “Fly From Here,’ said Stivers. “But that’s not much of a virtue when he’s still the kind of guy to aggressively honk at someone who takes more than half a second to go through a green light. You would think listening to all those flutes would’ve made him more chilled-out in general, but I guess not.”

At press time, Hansley was enraged that the 25-minute slowed and reverbed Porcupine Tree song he was enjoying was interrupted by a phone call from his mother who “just wanted to say a quick ‘hello.’” 

Jon Stewart Returns to “The Daily Show’ After Seeing How Soft Media Has Gotten on George W. Bush

Posted on by Dan Rice

NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced that Jon Stewart is returning to host  “The Daily Show” on Mondays citing what he believes to be “A shameful failure (by major networks) to criticize the nepotism and warmonger puppeteering” of former president George W. Bush.

“You turn on the news today and it’s all these vapid, empty-calorie stories about celebrities like Donald Trump. Why are we even spending time talking about that guy? There is virtually no mention of George W. Bush, our government’s failure to find evidence of WMDs in Iraq, or Dick Cheney’s attempts to subvert limitations on the executive branch,” said Stewart while listening to a first-generation iPod. “It’s gutless and it’s irresponsible, so yeah, I’m back and nobody is safe. I hope you’re listening Colin Powell.”

The overall response to Stewart’s part-time return to hosting duties on “The Daily Show” has been immediately ecstatic.

“Finally, after nine long years, we’ll have a media personality unafraid to speak truth to power. People are so wrapped up in the 2024 election right now that they seem to forget George W. got us involved in an illegal war that lasted nearly a decade. And no matter where I look I can’t find anyone willing to lampoon him with a funny turn of phrase and zany look to camera,” said longtime fan Andy Selgian. “We’re talking about a man who once butchered the phrase ‘Fool me once,’ and all of a sudden we’re just giving him a pass? Mr. Stewart, welcome back, we’ve missed you.”

While Stewart’s return comes as a surprise to fans, professional media analysts see the move as highly logical.

“The networks are in crisis right now trying to draw in viewers who prefer to get their news from TikTok,” explained media expert Sarah Yang. “They realized the best way to make inroads with youth culture is by bringing back a 61-year-old man to a cable channel most young people never watch unless they are doing laundry at their parent’s house and end up watching reruns of ‘South Park.’”

Though none of the other talent from the Stewart era have officially announced a return, insiders have leaked that Mo Rocca is in talks with the network to become the show’s senior Hurricane Katrina correspondent.

Kid Only Vaping to Look Cool in Front of Older Brother’s Sex Robot

Posted on by Courtney Hill

FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sixth-grader Kenny Jenkins suddenly took up vaping in hopes of charming his older brother’s sex robot, sources close to the modern-day love triangle reported.

“Vaping is my true passion,” Jenkins proclaimed before nearly dry heaving to death on a micro hit. “Anyone who says I only vape to impress my brother’s pleasure bot is reading too far into it. The fact I started vaping the same day he got her or that I seem to wait until she’s looking to take a big dramatic drag is sheer coincidence. So what if her eyes are like diamonds and her lips are strawberry honey? It’s not like I lie awake in bed wondering if she thinks I’m funny or if she wants to hit my vape or how happy we’ll be once we run away together. No, sir. I vape purely for the flavor; albacore-banana is my favorite!”

The boy’s mother Delores Jenkins struggled to decide which of her sons brings more shame to the family these days.

“I don’t know which is worse: My oldest getting his jollies from some animatronic hussy or the younger one vaping to get her attention,” the mother of two lamented before lighting up a cigarette. “My husband assures me it’s just ‘weirdo boy stuff’ but he’s not the one that has to clean Greg’s room. When the vape fumes mix with the post-coital cyborg stench it’s like RoboCop threw an orgy at a Pinkberry. And to think, my mother nearly had a heart attack when she caught me practice kissing an apple. I’m truly relieved she died before having to see technological advances tear our family apart.”

School counselor Marnie Riskin helped contextualize the situation.

“Ripping a vape pen for the approval of a sex robot is classic younger-child syndrome,” Riskin explained. “When Kenny hears his older brother jackhammering away at that poor doll all day, he subconsciously perceives it as a threat to his own masculinity. Naturally he is going to project strength and maturity to steal away some of that attention. It’s like I always say; the intercourse might not be real but the infatuation with a hot robot sure is. And honestly, this is nothing compared to the other stuff kids are doing these days- have you heard of squaphing?! Don’t look it up.”

At press time, the sex robot was deemed useless after a plume of vape smoke short-circuited its operating system.

Sad: I Carried A Really Heavy Package All By Myself And No One Saw

Posted on by Kelley Greene

This is the loneliest day of my life! I got a very heavy package delivered today. Don’t believe me? It had, not one, but two “Heavy” stickers stuck to the box. And I heroically carried it up to my apartment all by myself, and not a single person was around to see it and cheer me on.

The second I got the delivery confirmation email, I sprinted down to the mailroom. I was hoping I’d run into the driver so he’d have to hand it directly to me. He’d ask, “Whoa, you sure you got this?” and I’d say, “Yeah, I’m fine! I bench way more than this.” I’ve never actually benched anything, but at least I could say that, you know?

Unfortunately, he was already gone. I squatted down to get it off the floor and let out a hefty grunt, but nobody even came to check on me and make sure I hadn’t given myself a hernia.

After about seven minutes of angling and propping the box up against the wall I finally had the package off the ground. I started up the stairs and shifted the box over to my hip to take up as much space as possible. Surely someone would need to pass me, and I’d get to tell them, “You know, I’d love to move over, but if I set this thing down I might not be able to pick it back up again!”

Somehow, not a single person crossed my path. Where the hell was everyone? You would expect my apartment building lobby to be a madhouse at 10:30 a.m. on a Thursday.

I knew exactly where to go for support then — my friends. I sent a gibberish text to the group chat and waited. Once someone texted back, “What?” I knew I was in.

“Can’t respond right now. Carrying real big box,” I said, thinking that might pique some interest. When they didn’t reply, I FaceTimed the entire group. And nobody picked up. It makes me question if we were ever friends to begin with.

“Accident,” I texted again. “Because of box.” No response at all.

I couldn’t believe it. What if this had been a real emergency, and not just the kind of emergency where I need someone to witness me carrying something extremely heavy?

I finally reached my apartment, set the package down, and shoved it over the threshold with my foot. What a disappointment. I’m going to set it up for a return so I can carry it all the way to the FedEx dropoff down the street. If no one sees that, I guess I’ll have to reorder something even bigger and try again.

Because honestly, if you carry a giant package and no one is around to say, “Damn, girl you’re doing it!” did you really even carry it at all?

Idiot Audience Member Sings Along Even When Singer Isn’t Pointing Mic At Them

Posted on by Dan Bookbinder

ORLANDO, Fla. — Audience members were disgusted to see local music fan Dylan Avalos singing along for the entirety of The Long Shower’s set, despite not having the microphone pointed at him, multiple irate sources confirmed.

“I really didn’t think this was a huge deal. I wasn’t even screaming along, I was just kind of singing like anyone does in their car, but it seemed to really piss some people off. I think someone hit me with their shoe at one point when I was singing along with the song ‘Jessica Thinks,’ and that sucker hurt,” said Avalos shortly after buying a shirt from The Long Shower at their merch table. “I just wanted to show my support since they were just the openers and most people were still standing at the bar. I didn’t think I was bothering anyone.”

Though Avalos thought his show of support was discreet, but it drew the ire of eyewitnesses.

“He’s a fucking poser, putting on a whole display for the band. When I was coming up we’d flip off and spit at everyone on stage. And those were the bands we liked,” said Whitney Pisano, former scene veteran and current H&R Block Branch Manager. “This current crop of so-called fans who buy merch as soon as they walk in and then wear it over their other clothes for the rest of the show, or worse yet, actually pay for stickers and put them on their laptop, they make me sick. The real way to support the scene is to keep losers away from it.”

Ethnomusicologist Spero Mazes notes the cultural implications involved with singing along during shows are intensively specific and change with the times.

“Throughout the years, the delineation of singing between onstage vocalist and audience was clear. Unless there were specific cues like turning the house lights up, gang vocals, a repeated chorus, or the singer pointing the microphone toward the audience, the crowd should avoid singing at all costs,” Spero said. “There was a brief period in the early aughts when Dashboard Confessional inspired their fanbase to sing along without concern for their ticket-paying neighbors in the audience. The only thing worse than singing aloud with abandon is getting the lyrics wrong when the mic is pointed at you.”

Lead singer Heath Barbudo could not be reached for comment, but witnesses reported seeing prewritten banter and printed pages from genius.com taped to the stage.

Our Usual Film Correspondent Got Kicked by a Horse So We Had Our 14-Year-Old Nephew Nate Review the 2024 Best Picture Nominees

Posted on by Adam Frost-Venrick

Alright, look, so the last month has been really difficult, okay. We got behind on some projects. We had couples therapy to miss. We had rehab to skip out on. Jury duty to dodge. It’s been a whole thing. And to top it off the only person we have on staff who has seen any of these movies got absolutely demolished by a police horse. This horse really messed him up.

Well, unfortunately, this was not a year where brevity translated to success and we really didn’t have twenty-plus hours to kill watching all these films. But fortunately… we knew someone who did. Our little cousin Nate. Nate is fourteen years old, a high school Freshman and a member of his school’s film society. (They just watched “Usual Suspects.” How fun.) He’s also – thankfully – grounded to his room for blowing up his principal’s mailbox. And so he had a lot of time to review this year’s ten best picture nominees. We’re pretty sure he pirated some of the more recent ones, but we didn’t ask because people already ruined Soap2Day by talking too much about it.

We asked him if he could do the foreign films, documentaries, and shorts as well. And he told us “cheugy” and we have no idea what that even means. So without further ado, we’re very proud(?) to present to you this alphabetical list of the 2024 Best Picture noms, as reviewed by a weasel-mustached, acne-covered, Axe-Body-Spray-reeking teenager.

“American Fiction”

Look, I admit, I know nothing about the publishing industry but I do look at magazine when my mom makes me go to the dentist. I think I get the gist of what this movie’s going for since I’m in Mrs. Whitmer’s Intro to Creative Writing Class for fourth period right now. It was like really smart, but sometimes I worried it was too smart. Still, Sterling K. Brown was the GOAT in this. Really happy he’s up for an Oscar. Hope he wins, no cap. On the whole, the thing that felt most profound about this movie was that it wasn’t called “African American Fiction,” even though that’s what it was about. It was just “American Fiction.” Because really… we’re all Americans. You think about that. I know I did. I give it a 3.5 stars out of 5.

“Anatomy of a Fall”

I was really nervous because this was a foreign film and I hate having to read the words at the bottom of the screen. I didn’t go to the movies to take a test. But it turns out they had the good sense to still do most of the movie in English. And I think that’s smart, because there was so much talking in this movie. Like this wasn’t even a movie. This was a play. You seriously tricked me into watching a play. And plays suck. Like we just had to read “Romeo and Juliet” in English. Fuckin’ lame AF, man. Anyway, the main lady in this was bi and a baddy, which is hot. 4 outta 5.

“Barbie”

I didn’t know what to make of this movie so I listened to Andrew Tate’s podcast and those guys made a lot of good points. Then they talked about cigars and cars and it was lit. But look, I’m not a misogynist, alright, I’m pro co-ed sports at my high school. But I think the movie would have been a lot more funny if Adam Sandler made it. I just rewatched “Hubie Halloween 2” and bruh, that shit is gas. The best part of  “Barbie” is when Ryan Reynolds was a total boss. I give it 2 stars because it was pretty.

“The Holdovers”

Holy fucking yes, dude. I actually wasn’t expecting to like this. I don’t like when people make movies about teenagers, because they never get it right, but I liked this one. I started acting like the main kid Angus around school because he’s like me, for real. He’s like smart, and his parents suck and he’s independent. Like he can take care of himself. And that’s like me. I can make pasta by myself. I can walk down to the Chiptole. I can stay home alone without a babysitter even. And anyway, that’s why I blew up my principal’s mailbox. Because of the movie. 5/5.

“Killers of the Flower Moon”

Yeah, I gotta be honest, I’m not sure I could sit through this again. Like don’t get me wrong, Scorsese is fire. But this is one where I’m like… bro, just make it a mini-series. This would’ve been so much easier to take if he had done it in like a couple forty-five minute increments on Netflix. I mean that. Netflix has actually gotten really good lately. Like look at the stuff they’ve got on there like ‘Hubie Halloween’ parts 1 and 2. Anyway… this movie’s great and all. I kinda wish Leo and his lady had ended up together at the end. Like he wasn’t a saint, but he ended up doing the right thing, she should’ve forgiven him. Sometimes it’s nice to have a happy ending. 3.5 hours out of 5.

“Maestro”

Dude, imagine thinking anyone would care about this movie. I guess Bradley Cooper spent like six years learning how to conduct one piece of music. And that’s cool and all, but also think about what you could do with six years. He could’ve probably made like… three to six other movies about surfing or ninjas or some shit. And they all would’ve required less work. God, you can just tell he was one of those guys back in school that was always kissing his teachers’ asses. Being like “Um, hey teacher Nate is trying to make himself puke so he doesn’t have to take the test.” Like mind your own business dude. This one gets 2.5 out of 5.

“Oppenheimer”

This movie was really fucking cool. Made by the absolute GOAT, Christopher Nolan. Is this my favorite Nolan film? No, I don’t think so. I mean, he is my favorite director, so like… I love all of his movies, but I like “Inception” more. Okay, and the top totally fell, so I don’t want to hear anyone arguing about that. Also, I love “Interstellar.” I don’t know if any of you have seen it, it’s pretty scientifically complex. Like “Rick and Morty” you’d really need a certain degree of intelligence to understand it. That’s really what this movie felt like it was about. Someone who’s so smart that other people can’t handle it, so they make him into the bad guy. Oh and don’t even get me started on “The Dark Knight.” Is Heath Ledger’s Joker the greatest performance in film history? I think it might be. 5/5 stars.

“Past Lives”

MOVIES LIKE THIS ARE WHAT’S FUCKING WRONG WITH SOCIETY! I can’t… I’m sorry. The main lady in this was SO FUCKING SELFISH. And her husband was such a cuck. It’s like “oh yeah, your ex-boyfriend from Korea’s coming in for the weekend. Yeah, that’s fine, you should totally go out and do a ton of stuff with him and I’ll totally support that.” This is why all the girls in my school are always walking around in short-shorts and nobody says anything, but I got yelled at by my math teacher for wearing an “I hate cats, but I love pussy” hat. If I ever get a girlfriend she will never treat me like this. HALF A FUCKING STAR.

“Poor Things”

This is kinda similar to “Past Lives” except… I don’t know. I mean, the main character is still super selfish and rude. But like, in a funny way. Something was different about it. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe like… the director was better. Maybe the cast. Maybe it was just more fun to watch or… oh yeah, maybe it was just a more interesting film. Still, Emma Stone is super weird in this. She’s probably acoustic. And you know what sucked? Emma Stone is normally really hot. But in this, even though she’s having lots of sex, she makes absolutely no effort to be hot. It’s like it’s… not for me, almost. Even though it’s really for me. 3.5 out of 5 stars.

“The Zone of Interest”

I don’t know how many times I need to say it, but… NO MORE SUBTITLE MOVIES. I don’t know why A24 thinks it can keep getting away with this. Also, how are you gonna make a movie about the Nazis and not show any footage inside the you-know-what camps. What, was this made on like a shoestring budget? Did they not want to spend the money on the extras? All this was just people mumbling and putting on coats. If I wanted to see that, I’d just go to my granddad’s nursing home. 1.5 out of 5 stars.

Music News: Jeff Rosenstock Talks Getting Older With Anthony Fantano

Posted on by Jake Skudder

DIY punk hero of Bomb The Music Industry and Quote Unquote Records, Jeff Rosenstock, recently spoke to Anthony Fantano of the Needle Drop YouTube channel about his own material and other music news.

Fantano gave Rosenstock his Album of The Year accolade for HELLMODE, which Rosenstock released back in September 2023.

One of the prominent topics of the discussion was Rosenstock’s age and how he manages to keep himself “youthful” in his mentality as he moves into his 40s (he’s 41).

“I try to not think about it. Although like once you hit 40 it’s hard to not think about it you know what I mean?” Rosenstock noted. “I think also a lot of people who I know who are around my age, they all have like kids and stuff, they have full-blown families. So they’re focused on that I think.”

Music News: Jeff Rosenstock on Being his “True Freaky Self Sometimes”

Rosenstock would also discuss Jack Terrycloth of  World Inferno Friendship Society, saying how his death during the pandemic influenced some of the writing on HELLMODE, mainly when he looked back at his own youth and how WIFS gigs would make him feel.
“I was a big fan of Jack Terrycloth from World Inferno Friendship Society who passed away over the pandemic.
“I thought about how many times I’d seen that band and how inspiring they had been to me, to like not only make music but just to like be ‘okay’ with being my true freaky self sometimes.”

AI in Creative Spaces

Jeff would also talk about the rise of AI-generated content in the creative spaces, specifically focusing on the recent issues with Sports Illustrated and people in the animation industry potentially losing their jobs to robots.

You can check out the full interview below but prepare to feel really really damn old if you’re over the age of 30 (hi):

Realistic Episode of “House Hunters” Has Millennial Couple Choosing Between Home With Asbestos and One Actively on Fire

Posted on by Doug Kolic

GAINESVILLE, Fla. — A new episode of the hit HGTV series “House Hunters” is being applauded for its realism after a millennial couple on the show had to choose between a home with deadly asbestos and one actively on fire, according to desperate sources excited to finally own property.

“Because of our stagnant wages and crippling debt, we never thought we’d ever be homeowners, but look at us now!” stated Laura Drysdale as she coughed up blood. “It was a tough choice between finalists because both had so much curb appeal, but in the end this turn-of-the-century Colonial with asbestos narrowly edged out the spacious Tudor burning to the ground, though it did have gorgeous wainscotting before the inferno turned it into ash. Caleb and I can’t wait to start entertaining here, although it will have to be mainly outside on the deck because this poison really does make breathing hurt. Can’t believe this place only cost half a million.”

Some loyal viewers like boomer Walter Cornelius were confused by the episode.

“What the fuck was that depressing shit?” stated the befuddled man. “Normally this series showcases really cool homes, but this time it was just a sad couple who weren’t turned off by the fact that one house was unfit for human habitation because of the presence of a known carcinogen, and the other was surrounded by firefighters. Not to mention that the third house they quickly eliminated from contention was the only one structurally sound and not a death trap, but it was 20 minutes from the city center which apparently was a deal breaker for them.”

Veteran TV producer Bryce Strider explained that shows are trying to more accurately reflect viewers’ economic realities.

“Millennials are thirsty for content that speaks to their everyday lives,” said Strider. “That’s why there’s a whole new slate of upcoming shows specifically geared to this generation. For example, since this demo rarely has disposable income to travel to exotic locations, the new season of ‘House Hunters International’ will just showcase homes from Staten Island. And the people behind ‘Million Dollar Listing’ will be spinning off an exciting new program called ‘Dollar Listing’ for homes that were built on toxic waste dumps and ancient burial grounds. Who said TV was dead!”

At press time, authorities were still searching for the couple after their home was swallowed up by a giant sinkhole which they weren’t aware of since they couldn’t afford a house inspection.