We’re not here to judge. Times have been tough and we all need to sleep somewhere. Whatever the circumstances are that led you to indefinitely crashing in your parents’ basement, it’s likely that you still need to rock out just as much as you did before. Here is a list of quieter numbers you can play at a low volume when your folks fall asleep at 9:30 p.m.
Anti-Flag “American Attraction” (Acoustic)
We’re not sure why Anti-Flag released a mostly acoustic album either, but you’re in a bind and we’re trying to help, so wipe that scowl off your face and just accept the situation. Plus, the riffs on this one actually kind of work somehow. It’s also nice to be reminded that you don’t have to yell all the time to get your point across. Remember that time you screamed at all five of your roommates for taking your last Black Label? That’s why Erika has your old room now. Seriously, though. Aren’t those like… eight bucks for a 12-pack?
NOFX “13 Stitches” (Acoustic
Featured on “The Longest EP,” this stripped down version of “13 Stitches” provides a more somber and, most importantly for you, quieter air to an already excellent “War On Errorism” track. Hearing Fat Mike wax nostalgic on head injuries and all the bands he saw before you were even born will whisk you away to much simpler times. Times in which you slept on your friends’ couches instead of the futon in your dad’s man cave.
Green Day “F.O.D”
Looking to blow off a little steam with a cathartic song that quietly details your feelings toward that asshole Kyle who kicked you out of his house two summers ago? Look no further. This song says it all so you don’t have to. Just be sure to hit the skip button before it gets to the super loud part at the end. Your parents probably have a hard enough time with their blood pressure as is.
AJJ “Truckers Are the Blood”
Long before AJJ were known as the saviors of pop-punk or whatever, they had trouble finding a steady drummer and had to settle for being a brilliant group instead of a “just okay” one. There are horns on this track, but don’t worry, they’re subtle. If they happen to wake your parents, though, chances are at least one of them will agree that truckers are the blood in the veins of the body of America-uh-uh.
Angel Olsen “Unfucktheworld”
One of the few benefits of moving back in with your folks is that you don’t have to pretend you hate contemporary artists like Angel Olsen for clout anymore. You can go ahead and listen to this one without shame now. It’s a great song, and it’s okay to have feelings. In fact, it’s pretty brave. According to your mom, being in touch with your emotions is the punkest thing of all.
boygenius “Ketchum, ID”
While we’re on the subject of ’emotions’ we’d be remiss not to mention this super group. This song not only features an acoustic guitar, but also incredibly dulcet three-part harmonies. Make sure you have a good pillow nearby to muffle your sobs, though. Nothing’s more awkward than having your mother rushing to your emotional aid while you’re just trying to live your fucking life.
Alkaline Trio “Sorry About That”
Matt Skiba’s unplugged strumming is so rhythmic on this track that you can kinda hear what the drums would do if this were a louder full-band track. The only downside of listening to this one is that it’ll probably make you think of your ex. You know, the one that has that sick loft downtown. No matter how much you want to, we strongly advise against calling them up to see if they’re still using the spare bedroom.
Adrianne Lenker “half return”
Look, we all know you’ve been meaning to get around to listening to this album from Big Thief’s lead singer/songwriter and now is the perfect time. Listening to this track will help you feel like this transient period of your life is an adventure instead of the depressing failure that it actually is.
Bruce Springsteen “Atlantic City”
You’ve probably realized by now you can listen to louder music if you just grab some headphones. One snag, though. Your dad borrowed yours and hasn’t given them back for, like, two weeks. No problem. Chances are if you put on this harrowing number from the Boss, your old man will rise from his deep sleep, follow Springsteen’s raspy voice down the stairs, and tell you how happy he is to hear some ‘real music coming from down here for a change.’ This will give you the perfect opportunity to inquire about your pilfered cans.
Laura Jane Grace “Please Leave”
This one’s more of a personal message to you from us. There’s no shame in spending more time in your hometown and forging stronger bonds with your family, but we’re worried about you. We want you to do things like sleep easy and party by the pool (your friend’s pool, not your parents’). Chances are your dad has been muttering this song’s title at you under his breath for weeks now, too, but you didn’t hear that from us or your mom. I wouldn’t take it personally, though. He’s just going a little stir-crazy without his man cave.
Well, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. “Tiny Tunes” (or “Same Old Tunes” as it was retitled after Tiny Tunes Adventures sued the absolute shit out of these guys) is a pretty standard first album for a band that hasn’t really figured their sound out yet. Really, the most interesting part of this whole record is the fact that Chiquita threatened to sue Millencolin as well over it. Yes, the banana company – now, that’s fucking stupid.
“Machine 15” isn’t a bad album, it’s just a bad Millencolin album. It makes sense that a band just coming out of its golden era (more on that later) would want to break the mold and try something new – but, yeah, this ain’t it. Don’t worry, they’ll figure it out eventually.
I actually don’t have much to say about this one. It’s fine. Go listen to it – or don’t, I don’t give a shit. Moving on.
“For Monkeys” is a transitional album to be sure. The band is clearly trying to break out from that third-wave ska influence that is heavy in the first two records, but they just can’t seem to stop themselves from occasionally breaking into janky upstrokes. There’s nothing wrong with this record – it just needed a little more time to marinate.
So now we’re getting into the part of every ranking where I always end up having to acknowledge that the only reason a really good record is as low as it is is because the band has written a lot of other really good records and that that doesn’t take anything away from the album that is lower than it might seem it deserves but it’s simply how ranking things and just numbers in general work. Anyways, “True Brew” is that album for Millencolin. I look forward to reading the many comments you braindead jags are gonna leave me about how I “did the album dirty” by placing it here. Go for it, morons.
You see that dead bird on the album cover? His name was Daryl. Yeah, that’s right, he has a name. Well, he had a name. Also, Daryl had a family. A wife bird and three baby birds who will never see his dead ass ever again. Ever. Not such a cute, fun pop-punk record now is it, huh?
I’ll be honest, I dismissed this album for a long time as a kid. Not for any reason other than being a fifteen-year-old shithead and thinking that “Kingwood,” with it’s goofy fucking cover art and the admittedly still dorky, but fun, music video they made for “Ray,” was just not a cool record. So if anything “Kingwood” should be a lesson to us all to listen back on records that you ignored during your “too cool for school” era, because I can guarantee you were actually “too cool” for nothing.
Guess what I just learned! “Pennybridge” is the rough English translation of Orebro, the band’s hometown in Sweden. That’s right – I had no idea that was the truth until like ten minutes ago. And now I’m wondering what in the hell I thought it meant for so many years or if I ever even put much thought into it at all. Did I actually think the band meant they were blazing a trail over an unexplored bridge made entirely of American pennies? Sure, why not – it’s a fun image.
This album slaps from front to back. Also, are the kids still saying “slaps” to mean “is of a high quality and enjoyable” these days? Whatever, maybe this isn’t the right time to ask.
Some die-hard Deftones fans may disagree with this one, but in terms of consistency, “Saturday Night Wrist” leaves a lot to be desired. The entire experience from front to back is similar to combining a diet of nuts and cheese with equal parts Miralax. There are stunning moments of clarity in the form of bangers, but beware… there will be times when you find yourself biting down on a piece of slate while waiting for certain movements to pass.
Though a solid album in its own right, “Adrenaline” is more of a proof of concept than anything else. It’s moody. It’s heavy. It’s even atmospheric at times! And if dressing like the Crow before a night of unrelenting bondage sex is your style, then you’ll be pleased to know that the b-side from this album, “Teething,” was featured prominently on the “City of Angels” soundtrack.
“Gore” is an album that requires patience, but has great payoffs. To date, it’s Deftones’ most ambitious and experimental album. But in terms of replay value, there is a place and time for “Gore.” And that place and time is your couch after about 500mg of edibles. Though its inherent weirdness should not be considered a turnoff by any stretch of the imagination, you really have to be in the mood for this one, which is why it ranks lower than other efforts.
“Ohms” is the follow-up to “Gore,” and Deftones’ most recent album at the time of this article. Chino’s vocals are in top form, Sergio’s bass rips through your speakers like a buzzsaw, Abe Cunningham relentlessly beats the absolute fuck out of his drums, Frank Delgado’s instinct for texture is intimidating, and Stefan Carpenter reaches his final form because he’s using a 19 string guitar or something at this point. In a way, “Ohms” is the perfect follow-up to “Around the Fur” if you forget about the other six albums in between.
Translating to “feeling of love,” “Koi No Yokan” boasts a crisp, yet lush production that assaults your ears. But for all the abrasive and meteoric highs that this album has, it’s got ballads too. If you ever find yourself slow dancing to this album, you’re definitely gonna get fingered, so make sure you loosen the snap buckle belt on your cargo shorts.
This album rules because it’s a return to form after “Saturday Night Wrist.” This album also sucks because it’s the first album without Chi Cheng on bass. Sergio Vega from Quicksand, however, took on the role of bottom-feeder seamlessly, and this is definitely an album that makes a good soundtrack for eating ass.
We love this album for its songwriting, production, sense of dynamics, and flow. We hate it because when we open the CD booklet that we haven’t organized since 2003, it sits between “Three Dollar Bill,” Y’all, and Crazytown’s “The Gift of Game.” There are tits on the cover too.
Many think this album should be number one on the list, but they had to use “Back to School (Mini Maggit)” as the opening track on the US release. They shouldn’t have done that. That’s like starting off a nine-course, Michelin-rated meal with gas station egg salad. We strongly recommend starting the album with “Feiticeira,” because that’s the way God intended, and “Pink Maggit” is a superior version of “Back to School (Mini Maggit),” as well as an epic closer.
The self-titled follow-up to “White Pony” is the perfect Deftones album. It won’t bring her back, but if you crank it to maximum volume, they won’t hear you crying. It’s brutal, it’s hella sensitive, the drums sound like a cannon and beat you in the chest, and Chino took a long time to recover after blowing his voice out shrieking on this one. In other words, “White Pony” was a stunning proof of concept of what Deftones are capable of, but it was also the necessary stepping stone to lead us to this self-titled banger that is in many ways a superior album.
