PONTIAC, Mich. — Several local college seniors impressed guests by enhancing their party’s epicness with the presence of a barnyard animal in their house, thoroughly wowed sources confirmed amidst hooting and hollering.
“Every party strives to achieve farm animal is suddenly there hanging out amidst the revelry’ tier, but only the select few ever truly make it. The act of having a billy goat, flock of chickens, or even just a standard dairy cow milling around drunken chaos can really enhance the ambience for the better, and let’s face it: we had it last night in droves,” said host Kris “Fruitfly” Yates. “That moment everybody turned around and noticed a ram gnawing on the ottoman like it was a bale of hay? That’s when I knew nobody would care that I watered down the keg.”
Local farmers report a less enthusiastic takeaway to the practice.
“Those damn college kids are always pilfering my livestock for their shindigs and what-have-ya, and I’m here to say–it ends now. Granted, they always make sure to bring ‘em back, but always drunk or spray-painted, or sometimes even in sunglasses,” said Farmer Curtis Myrtle, the proprietor of Myrtle Acres. “Those preppy no-counts think having animals at your party makes it better? Let me tell you, every party I’ve ever thrown has had at least a baker’s dozen varmints roaming through it, and nobody ever tikkity-toks or instygams about how legendary they are, which seems downright discriminatory to me.”
Party planner Hetta Breen-Duffage gets to the root of the phenomenon’s popularity.
“Well, it’s simple, really. Ground zero for ‘animal randomly at a party’ is definitely the one Robin Williams throws for his son that gets him divorced from his wife in Mrs. Doubtfire. Folks putting a soiree together will recall how crazy that party was, so crazy that it causes Sally Field to end their relationship, and say ‘that’s what I want for my graduation!’ or whatever the occasion may be,” said Breen-Duffage. “Now, this party last night thrown by Fruitfly and his buddies; that one may have even surpassed Doubtfire levels. My sources say Field herself would have severed ties with every last one of those guys, especially if that House of Pain song were blaring at the time.”
At press time, Farmer Myrtle had plans for a “slacker frat guy to suddenly appear” at a birthday party he’s arranging for his prize sheep to test if it works the other way, too.