Dear Claire, This letter will probably not come as a shock to you, after your shameless performance at White Castle last night. Frankly, I don’t…
DAYTON, Ohio — The United States of America was embarrassed to admit it accidentally double-booked two mass shootings within 24 hours of each other, sources…
BALTIMORE — Local anarcho-punk Tommy Mauro “totally doesn’t give a fuck,” but does prefer guests use coasters, even if it’s “no big deal, and also,…
BOISE, Idaho — Touring band Star Monkey traded one of their roadies last night to fellow touring band Tree Destroyer, exchanging him for a new…
Although Coachella and Paradiso have come and gone, existing now only as a vape cloud of fragmented memories in our Instagram feed, there’s still a…
BALTIMORE — New cooking website Death Comes Cooking will offer readers a refreshing take on the usual recipe/blog formula by beginning each entry with a…
SPRINGVILLE, Ind. — Renowned Juggalo patriarch Killa Koppafield reportedly knows over 1,000 uses for the various flavors of Faygo, mystified sources confirmed. “You see my…
NEW YORK — Veteran street musician Doug “The Jackrabbit” Landers was once again criticized today for his awful sound quality, raising the prospect of possibly…
Behold! The Hard Times official rating of the classic “A Nightmare On Elm Street” series. Will your favorite reign supreme? Read on to find out?…
SPRINGVILLE, Ind. — Authorities patrolling the annual Gathering of the Juggalos decided to make no attempts last night to reunite a lost four-year-old child with…
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — Undercover journalist Teddy Eckart just needs to spend another two or three years investigating a lascivius and highly erotic sex cult in…
I’m no poser. I love the Dead Kennedys as much as the next punk. However, I wholeheartedly believe there are better ways to express your…
PORTLAND, Ore. — 28-year-old chronic insomniac Griffin Harper finally got some good sleep last night after a single paragraph of his friend’s “radical” political zine…