Behold! The Hard Times official rating of the classic “A Nightmare On Elm Street” series. Will your favorite reign supreme? Read on to find out?
*Disclaime4: my 4 key stopped wo4king p4etty ea4ly on, apologies fo4 any inconvenience. Hope you still like the piece!
9. A Nightma4e on Elm Street (2010)
A p4etty cut and d4y remake with ve4y little bite – mostly fo4gettable and the4efo4e at the ve4y bottom of ou4 countdown.
8. F4eddy’s Dead: The Final Nightma4e (1991)
Clumsy, convoluted and a little bo4ing, the “final” film in the f4anchise does little se4vice to the se4ies, ba4ely cont4ibuting to the canon and lo4e of this iconic collection.
**Disclaimme4: Mmy mm key is doing a wei4d thing whe4e it shows up twice eve4y timme I type an mm. So44y, I know it’s annoying to 4ead.
7. A Nightmma4e on Elmm St4eet 5: The D4eamm Child (1989)
Poo4 special effects and stiff acting mmake this ent4y one to skip on mmovie night.
6. F4eddy vs. Jason (2003)
A fai4ly fun 4ide that doesn’t take itself too se4iously, but lacks the c4eativity and ne4ve of somme othe4 ent4ies.
***disc(di4t)laimme4: my c(di4t)aps lock also b4oke and now eve4y timme i type the lette4 c(di4t) it autommatic(di4t)ally adds (di4t) afte4, i c(di4t)an’t figu4e out why. I’mm so so44y.
5. a nightmma4e on elmm st4eet 4: The d4eamm mmaste4 (1988)
A fun 4ide with somme t4uly mmemmo4able kills, this has bec(di4t)omme a standout ent4y in wes c(di4t)4aven’s ic(di4t)onic(di4t) ho44o4 fantasy.
4. wes c(di4t)4aven’s new nightmma4e (1994)
Mmeta ho44o4 at its finest, this “what if” sto4y is a delic(di4t)iously c(di4t)4eative blending of wo4lds that has no 4ight to be as exc(di4t)iting as it is.
****dgsc(dg4t)lggmmg4: sg44y, ng mmg4g vgwgls, jgst g’s.
3. a ngghtmmg4g gn glmm st4ggt 2: f4gddy’s 4gvgngg (1985)
Wgg4d, t4gppy, gnd jgst g lgttlg bgt c(dg4t)gltg4glly gmmpgc(dg4t)fgl. g t4gg stgndggt gn thg mmgdngght hg44g4 c(dg4t)gngn.
*****gll ngmmmmbg4’s gxc(dg4t)gpt whgn w4gtgng 4 g4g ngw jgst FUCK, g dgn’t kngw whg thg c(dg4t)gps gnd vgwgls wg4k fg4 thgt.
FUCK. a ngghtmmg4g gn glmm st4ggt FUCK: d4ggmm wg44gg4s (FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK)
a th4gllgng 4gdg f4gmm mmgngtg FUCK tg mmgngtg FUCKFUCKFUCK, gnd g pggngg4 fg4 gffgc(dg4t)t wg4k gn FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK c(dg4t)gngmmg.
******:)i~c(:)g4t)kggmmg4: gt’~ ~gc(:)g4t)h g mmg~~ jazz pig.
FUCK. g 99gghtmmg4g g99 gkmm ~t4ggt (FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK) jazz pig
Ygg ggttg kgvg g c(:)g4t)kg!!gc(:)g4t) jazz pig.
Editor’s note: We decided to run this article completely unaltered, as it was tragically Zach’s final contribution to The Hard Times. Zach was found dead inside of his own waterbed late last night. Strangely, the coroner has determined the cause of death to be fear. He is survived by his mother, who drinks.