BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Local punk Tyra Flores was spotted placing sheets of old newspaper over the corpse of her housemate Vince Russo following his untimely…
WASHINGTON — The United States of America picked up another twenty seasons of Forever War, according to a speech from President Biden last night. “Initially,…
OAK LAWN, Ill. — Father of four and local businessman Theodore “Ted” Rosenberg considers his chili con carne recipe to be the ultimate legacy he…
DRYDEN, N.Y. — An online trend known as the “milk crate challenge” left local punk Shelby Smalls with almost no furniture or storage options in…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
MEDFORD, Mass. — The basement practice space at 234 Syrup Street is reportedly overrun by enough Aspergillus fumigatus to dampen sound, thanks to leaky water…
LOS ANGELES — A Weird Transparent Angel Lady, best known for her work as the cover model on Nirvana’s final studio album “In Utero,” is…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Hugh Bellamy’s self care practice was revealed to be one of the more disgusting things ever heard of in recent…
LOS ANGELES — A leaked trailer for the 90-day report from the intelligence community regarding COVID-19’s origins suggests the incident may exist within a larger…
WEDGEBERG, Wyom. — A recent census of the town of Wedgeberg, population 629, revealed that its fledgling punk scene is composed entirely of teenage thespians…
PHILADELPHIA — Local birdwatcher and ornithology enthusiast Sam Greer watched approximately half of the classic 1970s John Waters film “Pink Flamingos” before reaching the conclusion…
Jacksonville, Fla. — Local part-time dad Deryk Hoyt was disappointed by how far from completion his half-sleeve was after spending his Child Tax Credit at…