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Small Town’s Punk Scene Consists of High School Drama Club and Weird Guy Who Works at the Dump

WEDGEBERG, Wyom. — A recent census of the town of Wedgeberg, population 629, revealed that its fledgling punk scene is composed entirely of teenage thespians and a local coot who manages the area garbage dump, surprised sources confirmed.

“We weren’t intending to form a scene when everyone first started getting together, it just kind of happened. Mostly we just wanted to hang out after rehearsal and smoke some cloves. We don’t have many friends, we get bullied a lot, and people driving by always call us ‘gay,’ I guess that’s pretty punk,” said Frankie Barnes, student and drama club member at Wedgeberg Junior/Senior High School and Traffic College. “It’s pretty cool being in the scene. I mean we still mostly just practice our lines for ‘Annie Get Your Gun,’ but now we include a lot more swearing. Also we have that one weird old guy who buys us beer, which is awesome.”

The waste management employee known to locals only by the moniker “One-Tooth Earl” expressed something presumably supportive of the scene, as biologically its oldest member by nearly five decades.

“T’ain’t got ‘em no much punkin’ ‘round ‘dem goin’ used to play der’ some ol’ paint can whistin’. Hut hut hut!” remarked Earl on the difficulty of finding venues willing to put on shows in the scene’s early days. “Gimmem’ now two swatcher dern out th’ sandpits. Sher’pen nols say so. Ar’ soap.”

“Aa, aa, aaa! Pot da cardboard oer’ twind’ th’ blue bins,” added Earl regarding the garbage dump recycling procedures.

However, some community members have taken issue with the small town’s nascent punk scene.

“Punk rock is a blight on our town. The kids used to want to grow up to be farmers or own a mid-scale hardware store. Now all they talk about is the Broadway adaptation of ‘American Idiot,’ which as an American I find offensive,” said local haberdasher Wendell Phillips. “And I don’t even know what it’s been doing to ol’ One-Tooth. He was always a bit odd, but ever since he stapled that Aus Rotten patch on the back of his overalls the town dump has somehow gotten even grosser.”

One-Tooth Earl later added that since joining the scene he has come to understand the wasteful effects of capitalism that contribute to the Wedgeberg dump collective.