TALLAHASSEE — Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz issued an impassioned call for Governor Ron DeSantis to revoke his ban on mask mandates early this morning in…
BILLINGS, Mont. — Childless freak by choice Shelby Van Camp recognized yesterday that the silver lining to the colossal shitshow that is life right now…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A normally violent, freewheeling circle pit at a recent all-ages show suddenly transitioned into a tranquil, toxin-eliminating massage train that encompassed…
NEW YORK — A major new climate report issued by the United Nations today confirms that shit is majorly fucked. “The data is clear as…
SAN DIEGO — Local man John Traeger was greeted to emotional cheers and cries of joy this week when he returned to his group of…
PHILADELPHIA — Newly single man Tim Donahue brought his CPAP machine to a bar yesterday evening in the event he might hook up upon returning…
PASCO, Wash. — A cursory look at a recently posted selfie on Facebook revealed what appeared to be a memorial post based on the number…
ST. LOUIS — The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department was forced to relocate one of their foosball tables from what was previously the breakroom of…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — A free show held at the recently reopened coffee shop Jittery Jill’s Caffeine Cave was reportedly “not even worth acknowledging the Facebook…
BURBANK, Calif. — Controversy erupted as reports surfaced that Tune Squad small forward Elmer Fudd engaged in a torrid sexual affair with the mother of…
MIAMI — Local woman Sandra Clemens realized in a therapy session late last week that her new job with benefits enabling her to work with…
ERIE, Pa. — A basement punk show is currently running unprecedentedly early, as it is set to begin merely 90 minutes late and potentially break…
WASHINGTON — The US economy showed signs of rebounding after it added 943,000 new opportunities for workers to be exploited by employers in July, according…
MEDFORD, N.Y. — Local Gmail inbox peruser Maiya Sollecito took the decidedly more convenient approach to dealing with undesirable emails by deleting them every day…
TOKYO — Trash stacking Olympian for Team USA, and resented roommate, Erica Forman qualified for the Tokyo 2020 finals of Stacking Trash On Top of…