BURBANK, Calif. — Controversy erupted as reports surfaced that Tune Squad small forward Elmer Fudd engaged in a torrid sexual affair with the mother of superstar teammate LeBron James mere hours after a championship parade through the ruins of King’s Landing in the Warner Bros. Serververse.
“I-I-I couldn’t b-b-believe just wh-wh-what I was see-see-see-see-see, uh, looking at,” explained Porky Pig. “I-I-I was performing at the after party on Dr. Evil’s Secret Lair under my rap pseudonym the Notorious P.I.G. That’s when-a-when-a-when I spotted Fudd and Gloria canoodling while sharing a table with Tony Soprano and Space Ghost. After the whole th-th-thing with Delonte all those years ago basically bl-bl-blew up LeBron’s first Cavs team, I just knew our chemistry was fu-fu-fu-fu, uh, ruined.”
Serververse DomBall commentators Ernie Johnson and Lil’ Rel Howry noticed the team’s issues, pointing to an exhibition game the Tune Squad lost to the goblins from Gringotts Wizarding Bank of the “Harry Potter” film series.
“The Tunes got shellacked by Gringotts, and to see LeBron get nutmegged by Griphook was really embarrassing,” Johnson recalled. “My man was jawing at Bugs Bunny like it was his fault he froze up. If it weren’t for Bugs dressing like a sexy lady goblin to distract Gringotts and Lola Bunny using their unfurled tongues as a slingshot to shoot her towards the basket for a sweet honey dip, they would’ve gone scoreless in the 4th quarter.”
Elmer Fudd didn’t confirm the sexual affair, but did express disappointment with the way James had iced him out in recent games.
“LeBwon and I had a gweat welationship, but now he’s letting pewsonal feewings affect the game, and that’s not wight, if you ask me,” Fudd said, lacing up his street shoes. “Now he’s feeding that big oaf Gossamer under the hoop and ignowing me open on the wing. It’s a fucking joke, but I’m not waughing.”
James offered no comment, but at press time Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted that the four-time MVP was rumored to be in the final stages of forcing a trade to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.