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Reason Woman Can Afford Therapy Becomes Reason She’s in Therapy

MIAMI — Local woman Sandra Clemens realized in a therapy session late last week that her new job with benefits enabling her to work with a mental health professional is the only thing she talks about in therapy.

“I was so relieved when my health insurance added behavioral therapy to my covered services. I had a lot on my mind, and I was looking forward to seeking professional help from someone besides my cat,” Clemens said. “In the first few sessions, we discussed my inability to say no, and my need to please everyone around me. Eventually, I realized we were only talking about my job. The whole reason I can afford these weekly sessions is because of my new promotion, my pay raise, and my boss finally opening up my schedule to give me one day off every two weeks… But the only breakthrough I’ve had is that I’m pretty sure I should have just stuck with dog walking and temporary Medicaid.”

Clemens’s therapist, Robin Gershwin, weighed in on the booming business she gets from overworked clients in need of therapy.

“My sessions with Sandra are confidential, but I will say that she is no different from my typical clients, who are only in therapy because they can afford it through their high-paying, highly stressful careers,” said Gershwin, after wiping down her marble tabletop and setting down her designer purse. “Sandra may not be able to say no to her boss, and she may be suffering mentally and physically because of it, but business has never been better! Good for her, by the way, getting a promotion at work. I hope it leads to exciting new opportunities for me… I mean her.”

Project manager Rich Hartman noted Clemens’ improved performance since attending therapy.

“I’m glad Sandra is getting the help she needs. Our company values mental health above all else. It helps our employees focus on work instead of the little problems in their life,” Hartman said. “When Sandra started out at this job, she had very low energy. But after just two sessions in therapy, she has way more headspace to tackle more tasks and responsibilities in the office. Perfect timing, too, because for some reason one of my top workers quit last week.”

At press time, Clemens was found passed out in the bushes, fast asleep after working double shifts for 48 hours straight.