WASHINGTON — The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) revealed that ICE agents just aren’t killing themselves, despite being complete and utter dickbags with zero…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans to cut much needed mental health funds for America’s clown posses, confirmed dope-ass sources. “They’ve been stealing our…
CHICAGO — Local 42-year-old man Marshall Reese is descending into a nightmarish, unending spiral of increasingly comforting sleepytime teas, unable to prevent himself from sinking…
A recent study revealed that only five percent of U.S. adults suffer from a mood disorder, but James Young, a local martyr, claims every single…
Hate is a word usually reserved for one’s most despised enemies, but what if the most pustulant, putrid, revolting human being you can think of…
With so many dubious reports and “studies” flooding our news channels and social media, it is damn near impossible to reach a consensus on anything.…
Well, it’s been a long and particularly depressing winter, and it started to feel like it would never end, but wouldn’t you know it, spring…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Local emotional support dog Gus is reportedly “at his limit” and has sought his own emotional support from local Yorkipoo, Lil…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local man Timothy Kroeger reportedly lost his shit again despite bragging about how little sleep he needs on a nightly basis,…
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — Friends and family of local man Rick Winston marveled at his nonchalant attitude about attending highly anticipated social events without realizing…
As you begin down the path toward better mental health, it’s important to keep in mind that progress is not a steady slope. It’s normal…
It’s the age old debate for us millennial punks; what is Green Day’s current standing in our fine culture? Most naysayers point to their sophomore…
CHULA VISTA, Calif — After spending hours trying to put her newly washed duvet cover back on her comforter, an exhausted, sweat-covered Elianna Davies finally…
NEW YORK — Local 27-year-old Kaitlyn Myers reportedly underwent the most extreme manic episode of her life that, by everyone else’s standards, pretty much just…
GREENTOWN, Ind. — Local metalhead and harvester Jonas Fitzgerald says this year’s sorrow yield is the highest in decades, according to sources with inside knowledge…