The holidays are a difficult time for many people, but especially for losers who no one loves or even thinks about. For a lot of…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — The group of gutter punks that loiters near 5th and Huron employs many invented terms for states of impoverishment, sources hurrying…
CANTON, Conn. — A local canine owner was stunned to see that his neighborhood’s dog park was completely overrun by opossums owned by dedicated members…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Current occupants of notorious punk house Shitshow Chateau revealed that their resident pitbull Hammer is the only inhabitant that has not bitten…
CULVER CITY, Calif. — “Wheel of Fortune” contestant and local punk Bruce Hughes inadvertently challenged the game rules after asking to bum a vowel, exasperated…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks halfway on a multitude of…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local faded couple Robby Weeks and Angela Torres found and have since adopted a puppy while out doing whatever it is they…
HOPKINGTON, Mass. — Local creep Brad Hinton announced his plans to run a full marathon, moments after seeing a woman with visible tattoos 26.2 miles…
First of all, its name is Jeremy. And second, I don’t care if it can literally melt my skin while asphyxiating me to death if…
They say that alcohol destroys families. But it’s the only thing keeping mine together. I would know, as someone who is always within arms reach…
COLTS NECK TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Legendary musician Bruce Springsteen recently admitted that he made up the “American working class” during a creative dry spell. “By…
NEW YORK — Local musician Kelly Evans fell victim to the age-old compliment decoy trap when a man quickly pivoted to unsolicited advice after complimenting…