Bad news, folks. This weekend I went on one of my journeys into the spiritual realm to convene with the higher beings and, rather than…
SEATTLE — Juror no. 11, local punk David Martin, told fellow jurors that this is his longest single stretch of continuous employment since entering the…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — A fledgling desert rock band that has yet to settle on an official name recently confirmed that they remain unable to commit…
NEW YORK — Twelve so-called artists living in a dilapidated former textile factory are now referring to themselves as The Stuffed Crocodile Collective even though…
PHILADELPHIA — A black Roomba S-694 autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner is, in fact, the only tenant in a local punk house with a job, according…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Marcus “Moose” Crawford took time to celebrate on LinkedIn his six-year anniversary at “Unemployed,” acquaintances within his network confirmed. “I’m not…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
PHILADELPHIA — Determined woman and job applicant Patricia O’Malley is creatively pursuing work that she’s technically overqualified to do by acting like a man who’s…
In the wake of the COVID-19 virus, a record number of Americans are choosing to change career paths. If you’re one of those people, that…
MIAMI — Local woman Sandra Clemens realized in a therapy session late last week that her new job with benefits enabling her to work with…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A new study by Harvard University confirmed the best way to secure work is to remind the person interviewing you that your…
WASHINGTON — President Biden signed a sweeping new bill into law earlier today which will finally address the issue of student loan debt relief by…
Hey, pothead! That’s right you lazy stoner. So you failed to launch? Big fucking deal. You’re back with your folks and spending all your time…
LOS ANGELES — Out-of-work actor and outspoken conservative Kevin Sorbo sent his professional headshot to political commentator and apparent filmmaker Ben Shapiro in the off-chance…