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Group of Unemployed, Single, Childless, Band Members Who Live Together Still Can’t Find a Practice Time That Works For Everyone

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — A fledgling desert rock band that has yet to settle on an official name recently confirmed that they remain unable to commit to a regularly scheduled practice time, despite every member’s complete absence of any semblance of personal or professional obligations.

“When we first decided to work on this project together I knew it was going to take us a little while to build up some momentum. So it’s understandable that there be a few bumps in the road while we figure out logistics like who is playing what instrument,” began potential bassist Doug Ramblige. “Me? I’m all in for this band. I got laid off from Panera and my girlfriend dumped me for, in her words, ‘wearing too many condoms,’ so I got plenty of time, except for Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, weekdays in general, and sometimes Saturdays. I’m just not sure what the rest of the guys are always so busy with.”

Landlord and potential drummer/percussionist for the hypothetical band, Daryl “House Dad” Williams, detailed the band members’ living situation.

“I have no idea what everyone who lives here actually does with their day. Seriously, almost no one ever leaves their rooms unless it’s to fight over whose Doordash driver it is that just showed up,” questioned Williams. “I thought this band would help me get closer to my renters, but every time I send our group chat a message about having a band meeting I get left on read for three days before someone sends something back like ‘sorry. crazy wknd.’ It was fucking Wednesday!”

Teresa Booker, an amateur music expert, gave some background on the scheduling difficulties that bands just starting out face.

“I’m very familiar with this sort of issue as someone who’s always wanted to tell people that they were in a band. Now I’m like the rest of these assholes trying to figure out why we need someone with a van to move shit when [the other band members] are literally down the hall,” bemoaned Booker, who is also apparently a part of their debacle on and off as a second guitarist. “Whatever. This band is mostly just a way to get my ex’s attention again so whether we ever actually practice or not means fuck-all to me. I guess it was kind of cool that we almost wrote a song that one practice we had last year.”

At press time, the band was already on an indefinite hiatus.