Move over, California sober — There’s a new form of pseudo-sobriety in town and I’m leading the charge. It’s called “Lexapro sober” and I definitely…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — A fledgling desert rock band that has yet to settle on an official name recently confirmed that they remain unable to commit…
DALLAS — Acclaimed country-pop band The Chicks shocked fans with the release of their new single, a eight-minute-long, thrash influenced song in which they encourage…
LOS ANGELES — The latest single from the Red Hot Chili Peppers entitled “770 Miles of Sunshine” was revealed to be California’s Wikipedia page set…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — A self-proclaimed “bachelorette” is celebrating six months of being single by going out to a romantic dinner with her ex-boyfriend, sources…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Multiple references to new couple Darius Mastrogiovanni and Sam Padgett’s disgustingly raunchy sex life were skillfully and politely ignored while out at…
WALTHAM, Mass. — A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that women who date men over the age of 40…
PITTSBURGH — A local bouncer at the popular nightclub Shotbar manned his post last night with the adamant mindset to keep the COVID-19 Delta Variant…
NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake Gyllenhaal, sources close to the…
CHICAGO — Perpetually lonely heterosexual man Cliff Parker is living under the mistaken assumption that he would be getting a lot more action if he…
BILLINGS, Mont. — Childless freak by choice Shelby Van Camp recognized yesterday that the silver lining to the colossal shitshow that is life right now…
SAN FRANCISCO — A specialty dating app created for connecting East Asian people seeking the same is reportedly being used exclusively by white dudes, according…
SAN FRANCISCO — Christine Walker’s longest-running relationship is with a travel guide to Kyoto that’s been open as a browser tab on her laptop for…
I’m far from perfect. I fuck up, make mistakes. And I’m not always easy to be around. But if you can’t handle me at my…
PITTSBURGH — The latest single by local punk band Dog Sniper used a sample of a “NBC Nightly News” telecast in a transparent attempt to…