In the wake of the COVID-19 virus, a record number of Americans are choosing to change career paths. If you’re one of those people, that could mean facing a corporate job interview for the first time.
Job interviews are stressful, and for good reason. A bad interview can tank the hopes of even the most qualified candidate. Conversely, a good interview could help you outshine the competition, even if they beat you on paper. Theoretically, there are things you can do to be prepared and tip the scales in your favor, but none of those will work when you have a goddamn hatchetman tattoo on your neck.
Here are the top 5 job interview tips that would help a normal person, but just won’t do you a lick of good when you’re a Juggalo with a neck tat.
Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact with your potential employer shows confidence, honesty, and fortitude. Unfortunately, in your case the eye contact won’t be reciprocated, as they will be far too distracted by the hatchetman tattoo on your goddamn neck. They’ll spend the whole interview wondering if you’re in a gang; or worse, knowing exactly what it means.
Research The Company
Going into your interview armed with background knowledge about the company shows them that you are serious and interested. Being informed about the company pre-interview will make you stand out from the herd. The only thing that stands out more is that stupid ass hatchetman tattoo right on your neck. Jesus, what were you trying to prove?
Do Not Speak Negatively Of Your Previous Employers
Employers want to hire problem solvers and positive people. If you go in complaining about your current or past employer, it can make you seem bitter and petty. Again though, like, it doesn’t matter. There is a freaking hatchman permanently tattooed to your freaking neck, and the second you leave that room they will laugh about it for weeks to come.
Dress For The Job
You only get one chance at a first impression, so make it count. Coming to your interview dressed like you already work there will show employers that you are professional and serious. But the hatchetman inked right onto your neck will show them that there is a hatchetman inked right onto your neck, so the whole thing’s a wash. You would honestly have better luck showing up to your interview in cosplay as Fred from Scooby-doo. You know, because of the neckerchief?
Ask Questions
Come prepared with questions about the position to ask at the end of your interview. Your potential employer will be impressed by your level of interest. They will probably also have a few follow-up questions of their own. Questions like, “Is that a man holding a hatchet?” and, “Why the neck?” They won’t be able to say those questions out loud, but thinking them the whole time will prevent them from actually hearing a word you say or taking you seriously as a human being.