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Leaked Trailer for COVID Origin Report Shows Multiverse of COVID Outbreaks

LOS ANGELES — A leaked trailer for the 90-day report from the intelligence community regarding COVID-19’s origins suggests the incident may exist within a larger multiverse of COVID outbreaks.

“At first glance, an untrained eye seeing the trailer might think that it shows Dr. Anthony Fauci releasing the chaos into the world,” said Jake Gonzalez, an avid viewer and self-proclaimed expert in the COVID Cinematic Universe. “But real CCU fans know that in these scenes Benedict Cumberbatch is likely portraying his evil form, Mephauci, disguised as the Doctor. It’s really reckless the way some people, like that hack poser Martin Scorsese, make assumptions without really knowing their stuff.”

Other fans also speculated that the trailer suggests the report will suggest various possible origins for the global pandemic.

“This is one of the most highly anticipated episodes in the COVID-19 saga, tying together so many different pieces,” said Reddit user SARSCOV-Man, one of the moderators of the r/CCUniverse subreddit on which the trailer was originally leaked. “It’s going to have everything: for the Gen Z-ers, you’ll have Tom Holland fighting the Chinese spies who intentionally created the virus. And for older fans, you’ll have Toby Maguire playing the human who was originally bit by a bat. As long as we get some action sequences and a multidimensional, upside-down, human-bat kiss, I know I’m going to love it, even the redacted version.”

Everly Caudaire, a culture critic with the New Yorker, took a more cynical view of the leaked trailer.

“Will it please the diehard followers of the COVID-19 origins saga? Probably, but they’re not the most discerning viewers,” quipped Caudaire. “These people will take the tiniest Easter egg and spin it into elaborate conspiracy theories. The truth is, when it comes to these huge budget reports, at the end of the day, if they bend over backwards to please everyone here and in China, you wind up with a product that doesn’t really have a perspective or much new to say. And I know she’s got a history with the franchise, but Emma Stone should not be playing a Chinese doctor.”

At press time, reports that the bat might be played by a CGI Stan Lee had not been confirmed.