Interpol is one of the great bands to emerge from the rock scene of New York in the early 2000s, when your hair was beautiful and greasy and you were sure that doing shitty coke in bathrooms would never, ever get boring. Led by vocalist/guitarist/human vocoder Paul Banks, the band has produced seven albums in an effort to shake off the Joy Division comparisons, so let’s get into it.
7. The Other Side of Make-Believe (2022)
It’s always easy to take a shot at a band for their most recent album, and Interpol made it even easier for us with “The Other Side of Make-Believe.” The title is a good indicator of the group’s gradually loosening grip on wordplay, while the songs are just as tired as you’d expect 20 years after their debut. The album was initially written via email due to COVID, but all that makes us want to do is listen to the Postal Service instead.
Play it again: “Something Changed”
Skip it: “Into the Night” (It is crazy how long this song goes on without doing something interesting)
6. Interpol (2010)
When a band delivers a self-titled album deep into their recording career, it’s rarely a good sign. For Interpol, their fourth album “Interpol” marked both their last album with original bassist Carlos D (Dengler, if you’re nasty) and the band’s initial wave of consistently good albums. Guys, if you’re going to open with a song titled “Success,” maybe make sure it’s actually good.
Play it again: “Barricade”
Skip it: “Summer Well”
5. El Pintor (2014)
At the very least, “El Pintor” proved that Interpol was still exactly the same band sans one weirdly named bassist. While the album doesn’t reach the ineffable heights Interpol could reach at their best and buzziest, there are some weird, interesting moments here. The looping guitar hook of “Same Town, New Story” previewed Paul Banks’s work with the RZA a few years later, and “Everything is Wrong” is a pretty good track for when you’re eight vodkas in and can’t quite explain why it’s a good idea to suddenly text an ex.
Play it again: “Same Town, New Story”
Skip it: “Ancient Ways”
4. Marauder (2018)
We don’t really love the phrase “comeback album” because it sounds too much like a stupid sex pun, but we have to admit it fits “Marauder.” According to Paul Banks, the title refers to his younger, stupider self, and it’s hard not to appreciate a group of songs that collectively call out the worse versions of all of us. Plus, Banks starts the album doing a weird falsetto thing, and that’s a nice change of pace.
Play it again: “The Rover”
Skip it: “Interlude 1” “Interlude 2” (Enough with the fucking interludes, seriously
3. Antics (2004)
Interpol’s second album had to live up to not only the band’s era-defining debut album, but also compete with contenders like Franz Ferdinand and the Futureheads in the marketplace of bands who looked like they had been born with tight black suits and wet hair. Fortunately, it lived up to the hype, with tracks like “Evil” and “Narc” having some of the strongest hooks they have ever produced. “Antics” even managed to not have a completely embarrassing track title on it, which is a big deal for Interpol.
Play it again: “Evil”
Skip it: “Public Pervert” (Actually, forget about the embarrassing title thing)
2. Our Love to Admire (2007)
It’s rare that a move to a major label produces some of a group’s best work, but that’s what happened with “Our Love to Admire.” The band had leaped to fame with their particular version of an icy cold post-punk bad dream, but their third album is where their sound truly became epic and able to handle the ferocity under the melancholy. The addition of keyboards helped a lot with that, but more than anything, the stress of delivering a commercially viable product to Capitol Records seems to have unlocked something for them.
Play it again: “Mammoth”
Skip it: “No I in Threesome” (It’s a good song, but is disqualified for having the worst title this side of 1970s-era Genesis)
1. Turn On the Bright Lights (2002)
What can one say about “Turn On the Bright Lights?” That it is the album that soundtracked a thousand dark nights of the soul when you already felt too old to enjoy your youth? That the shimmering ring of the guitars sounds best when everyone has left the party and you’re surrounded by nothing but empty bottles and shadows? That it fucking rocks as hard as any album of the early 2000s? That sounds about right, we guess.
Play it again: “Stella was a diver and she was always down”
Skip it: N/A, they nailed this one.
This was the second year of Warped Tour and the first one we remember. Since we were blacked out during the entirety of the first one, we did not prepare ourselves for the harsh conditions of a punk show in the Summer. Like last year, we did the mini shots we snuck in by the port-a-potties first. Next, we checked out Dance Hall Crashers and Blink 182. The rest is a blur but we do know that we’re the reason that the following year’s festival had a medical tent.
By 2017, we had learned how to adequately prepare for Warped Tour. At this point in time, musically, the festival had entered its third and final phase. The lineup was mostly a few legacy acts plus whatever is trendy in alternative music. This year had the best overall lineup of this era. Come on, metalcore isn’t that bad when it’s live. At least until the clean vocals kick in.
As punk and emo took over the mainstream in the early 2000s, Warped Tour expanded its reach as well. 2006 brought together a solid lineup of classic and new bands, including some who got their break on the Warped Tour and are now returning as marquee names. We had a solid plan to stay hydrated and sober, which we followed, but we got our nose broken in the pit so we spent the day in the medical tent anyway. Reggie and the Full Effect fans go hard for some reason, must be some of the people that only got into them because of Coalesce.
Another classic lineup of punk, ska, and hardcore. At this point, we figured out how to handle our booze. Unfortunately, this was the year we learned about heat stroke during Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. It’s hard to believe swing dancing in 100-degree heat could end poorly. We missed Save Ferris because we passed out. We missed Snapcase because we didn’t know who they were. Still kicking ourselves for that one.
This is pound for pound the best Warped Tour lineup after 2004. Maybe it’s because punk and other styles of alternative rock music had been supported by the mainstream for the better part of a decade and this year’s tour reflects that. Maybe it’s because the tour hadn’t sold its soul just yet. Getting to mosh to The Bouncing Souls with a bunch of 40-year-olds and then walking over to scream along to Pierce the Veil while knocking over preteens was the perfect blend of classic and current music and culture that this festival cultivates.
Do you see this lineup?! Forget the fact that you’re seeing all these bands in one place, just imagine seeing them in 1997. It was the summer of ska, baby! Everyone was checkered out and I’m pretty sure Face to Face had a trumpet player. Sadly, it was also the last time the members of Buck-O-Nine and Hepcat could look down and scoff at Limp Bizkit. Talk about an end of an era.
This was likely the most musically diverse lineup in the history of Warped Tour. We got to rock out to H2O before walking over to the Rollins Band merch table for a quick lecture. We even brought an extra shoe to throw at Michael Graves only to realize he had recently been kicked out of the Misfits. We even saw Kool Keith, Esham, and 311 rapping at punks and hardcore kids. The only letdown was when Me First and the Gimme Gimmes decided to play an entire set of covers for some reason.
This was just a straight-up fun lineup. There was a great mix of classic and current punk bands. This was a real sweet spot for Warped Tour where the bands were popular but not yet commercial. Plus, Andrew W.K. was there. We didn’t get a chance to catch his set, but everyone could feel his energy radiating throughout the entire festival. Although that could have been the sun beating down on us. We knew to bring enough water this year but we left our sunscreen at home because we’re not dorks.
Just look at that lineup. Name one band you wouldn’t mosh to in 1999. Push pits galore! Board shorts too! This year we brought our skateboard but apparently, only professional skaters get to perform. Sorry, we thought this was a punk show. Anyway, it was sick seeing Ice-T play with Body Count live. It was wild when Blink-182 streaked during Cop Killer.
Ah, the perfect Warped Tour lineup. There are classic punk, ska, and hardcore bands from across Warped Tour’s history. There are currently popular bands, many of whom got their break by performing on the Warped Tour. Finally, there was a healthy dose of up-and-coming bands that people would regret not seeing when they had the chance. People like me. I missed this one because I had to choose between going to Warped or the Projekt Revolution tour and I wasn’t gonna miss a potential Snoop Dogg x Linkin Park collab.
There are people who claim this album is good. There are also people who say mushrooms on pizza are delicious. I don’t believe either group. You have to sit through 15 minutes of Henry Rollins’ solo abstract ramblings while he was still about 20 years from learning how to tell a story well. And when the music finally starts, it’s not much better. Henry talks over one 9-minute track, then the rest are instrumental jams. Not my cup of hardcore. But the album artwork goes pretty fucking hard, so it deserves credit for that. If you feel the need to buy this one, keep it hung up on the wall. Framed. You’re not a teenager anymore, get a goddamn frame.
Ah, the reverse “Family Man.” “What The…” has artwork so bad, it makes you hate the music more than maybe you should. The artwork is fucking pixelated. And stupid. But the music? It sounds like a fairly competent Black Flag tribute act. In keeping with late Black Flag tradition, the production is shit. Ron Reyes actually sounds pretty lively here, but it’s not enough to sustain interest over the course of twenty-two (22!!!!!) songs. I swear I like this band and will start complimenting them soon, but oof- they sure have laid some turds for me to sift through.
If I had a time machine, I would first go back to dropkick the fuck out of Baby Hitler. But my second stop would definitely be 1985 so I could give Greg Ginn a goddamned guitar tuner. Am I losing my mind or are most of the guitar parts here out of tune? Holy shit, nothing sounds right. Maybe it’s some artistic statement against sterile, perfect ‘80s music production trends. Or perhaps I have horseradish and gravel in my ears (very possible). The production is just ugly and not in a cool way, which is a shame because some of the songs on the second half are great. Other tracks have these circling guitar lines that make me physically feel nauseous which is neat as a party trick, but bad as a full album experience.
Let’s get this out of the way, the title track which opens the album is pretty gross. I don’t even really know what it’s trying to say. I think it’s slut-shaming? Or coercing? Who knows, I’ve already spent more time thinking about this song than it deserves. The artwork is similarly icky and features a pre-”King of the Hill” Hank Hill as the leg. Thankfully, things improve significantly after the opener and the rest of the album is quintessential Black Flag.
Throughout 1984 and 1985, Black Flag would release five albums. I’ll say it- that’s too many albums. But somehow, “Loose Nut’ (the fourth of the five) doesn’t find the band fatigued at all. Bassist Kira Roessler crushes it all over this album, which she was doing to pass the time until she could go and win multiple Emmy awards for editing. I’m not lying- go look it up, then feel like shit about what you’ve done with your life. I know I do.
I’ve been ragging on Black Flag pretty hard throughout this ranking for questionable artistic choices. But to be honest, a lot of those decisions required risk and vulnerability. “My War” is one situation where it all panned out successfully. The gang brought an artfulness that could have easily been way too pretentious, but “My War” always thrashes. Things slow down on the back half yet it still kicks all kinds of butthole. And the album artwork terrorized a generation of kids to be afraid of hand puppets. Ok I just made that last fact up but it could be true, I don’t know.
This collection comprises the singles and EPs released by Black Flag before their debut album “Damaged.” It fucking rules. “Nervous Breakdown” and “Jealous Again” are two of the greatest punk songs of all time. This compilation rules so hard that I wanted to place this at number one. But my editor said “It’s a compilation, not a record, so don’t you fucking dare try to place it in number one or I’ll sneak into your apartment and take a shit in your pillowcases then squeeze the shit log from the outside of the pillowcase so it gets ground into the fabric and is really hard to clean” and folks, I don’t want to clean shit out of my pillowcases.
Maybe you thought we were going to be contrarian and put “My War” at the top of the list. Or alienate everyone we love and go with “What The…” but nope. Damaged is a cornerstone of early hardcore for a reason- it fucking rules. Almost overnight, regular Hard Times joke target Henry Rollins went from being the manager of a Häagen-Dazs in D.C. to singing as frontman of punk legends who hadn’t even released a full album yet. His sincerity and energy are on full display here and it works. Oh boy, does it work. In fact, I smashed my glass of iced tea while relistening to it just now and I’m still bleeding but I won’t do anything about it until the album ends.
While Elizabeth’s melee weapon skills were unparalleled, the rules of challenge did not explicitly ban handguns, a fact that Charles exploited in their battle.
He is forbidden to react or even smile.
A bundle handstamp is available
“Okay, let’s shit fuck this monarchy into fucky, sucky… king crown land or… whatever, Fuck!”
The American experiment is at an end. Long Live Chalres III, King of the United States of America!
Proud Gentlemen, stand down and stand by.
Don’t even act like you wouldn’t hit that.
They do them for everything over there.
Kind of a cuck move, bro.
“Quite the gift indeed…”
Go ahead and try, you won’t be able to do it!
“and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood.”
Half-off apps and bottomless margaritas to anyone who can prove they are of royal blood!
Honestly, what is the goddamn point?
Real, live, actual fucking QUICHE! Praise God!
Sorry Monroe and Dianna, pappa Eltons’ got checks to cash.
If there’s anyone left out there, know that there is hope.