WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — Disturbed onlookers rolled their eyes as local bozo Sturgill Lacey clearly envisioned himself in an opening film’s montage due to the…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A local couple’s hike was put on hold after a really neat stick was found on the trail, blown away sources confirmed.…
STANFORD, Calif. — Researchers at Stanford University made a shocking discovery and no longer recommend taking mental health walks due to the high chance current…
ABERDEEN, U.K. – A walkathon across Scotland organized by rock duo The Proclaimers was abruptly canceled after volunteers positively identified the body of the 10th…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Legendary Terror frontman Scott Vogel was caught incessantly checking his Fitbit watch while pacing back and forth in hopes of improving his…
DOYLESTOWN, Pa. — Local sous chef and frequent masturbater Kyle Myers would not pause his jerk-off session Monday when his cat, Mittens, crawled across his…
LANSING, Mich. — Far-right protesters who descended on the Michigan Capitol today arrived several hours later than scheduled, due to a gross miscalculation of just…