Jesse Kubanet
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Oh, Christ, not this again. You’re out on a walk through the park by your house, and you’re sort of…
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Joe Rumrill
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SPOKANE, Wash. — Local anxiety-sufferer Eno Patrice upped his attempt at his daily mental health walk to a mental health…
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Brett Olsen
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PARMA, Ohio — Local lummox Andrew Creosote felt a vague sense of accomplishment Tuesday morning when he uncharacteristically stood up…
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Joe Rumrill
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WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — Disturbed onlookers rolled their eyes as local bozo Sturgill Lacey clearly envisioned himself in an opening…
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Charles Bill
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PORTLAND, Ore. — A local couple’s hike was put on hold after a really neat stick was found on the…
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STANFORD, Calif. — Researchers at Stanford University made a shocking discovery and no longer recommend taking mental health walks due…
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Eli Johnson
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ABERDEEN, U.K. – A walkathon across Scotland organized by rock duo The Proclaimers was abruptly canceled after volunteers positively identified…
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Amber Scala
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Legendary Terror frontman Scott Vogel was caught incessantly checking his Fitbit watch while pacing back and forth…
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Literally A Koala
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DOYLESTOWN, Pa. — Local sous chef and frequent masturbater Kyle Myers would not pause his jerk-off session Monday when his…
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Kyle Sekaquaptewa
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LANSING, Mich. — Far-right protesters who descended on the Michigan Capitol today arrived several hours later than scheduled, due to…
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