PHILADELPHIA — A major breakthrough in medical science took place late last night, as a team consisting of the world’s top surgeons performed the first…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Shelby Walsh announced yesterday that she’s “turned over a new leaf,” rebranding her tumultuous personal life as “her journey,” several…
Quintessential indie rock band Pavement has crafted some of the most iconic independent music of the last 30 years, and their influence has left its…
BROOKLYN, N.Y.— Local audiophile Shelby Hastings reportedly ended a promising Tinder date prematurely last night after accepting an invite up to Daniel Estrada’s apartment and…
For millions of kids who grew up in the 90’s, the sound of shattering glass could only mean one thing: An appearance by WWE legend…
ODESSA, Texas — Local man Grant Hopkins informed his friend group today that he can’t make it to this mass shooting, but, statistically speaking, he…
Oh boy, look who just walked in. Who does this douchebag think he is? I hate when assholes from out of town come through here…
SALT LAKE CITY — Employees of a local Goodwill thrift store reported a loud disturbance today, as a woman discovered several crates of religious music…
LOS ANGELES — Disney Studios announced today that the upcoming live action remake of The Little Mermaid is set to feature a real live penis…
DAVENPORT, Iowa — A group of four white men found yesterday standing in an empty field outside of Davenport are, in fact, not in a…
BOSTON — Boston College sophomore Daniel Milner recently purchased a PlayStation VR gaming headset and what he claimed was a copy of Skyrim VR, a…
BURBANK, Calif. — Local gamer Doug Saunders recently purchased a high-end gaming chair, equipped with advanced technical features, a dynamic cushioning system, and the ability…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local punk Griffin Myers was hospitalized last night after provoking mythical scene veteran Butch “The Butcher” Caldwell, otherwise known as a “real…
PITTSBURGH — A local punk house is gearing up for its fourth consecutive year of flu season, now plaguing residents for the equivalent of one…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — PlayStation executives announced today that Square Enix’s Shadow of the Tomb Raider will be this month’s free PS Plus game, and…
