ASHEVILLE, N.C — Local woman Vanessa Taylor continues to be thrilled by the growing Body Positivity Movement for all of her friends and family but refuses to apply the same principles to herself, concerned sources report.
“It’s important to me that I help other women feel confident and valued no matter what. Society tries to dictate what ‘beauty’ should be and I want all my friends to know that they are perfect the way they are, of course, this doesn’t apply to me because I ate an entire fucking cake last night by myself and no normal human should be able to consume that much sugar,” confides Taylor. “This isn’t new to me, in fifth grade, this girl Mary Kate said my skin looks like an expensive cheese because of all the blue veins running through it. Let’s just say these legs haven’t seen the light of day since the Clinton administration.”
Several friends and family did heartily agree that Taylor is “the shit” and “the best bitch” when it comes to giving them a much-needed boost of body confidence.
“I always just thought maybe she was just super goth because she dresses all in black and doesn’t have any mirrors in her house,” said former co-worker, Elise Van Horn. “I just assumed she was into some weird vampire shit, because let’s be honest, who isn’t at some point in their lives. But she was always the first person to compliment me on a new blazer, even if it came in a primary color. I tried to invite her swimming last summer and she told me to ‘slay it’ but she said ‘I don’t want people to have to deal with all of this.’”
While most people find Taylor’s aggressive body positivity towards everyone in the world but herself uplifting, her psychiatrist, Dr. Louise Maike, has a different view of the situation.
“Truthfully, for a while, Ms. Taylor’s clinical Body Dysmorphia had me a bit concerned,” said Dr. Maike. “This is a woman who wears long black pants in July. Her friends also seem to ignore the fact that this woman is struggling with her self-esteem because she’s so good at helping them feel good about themselves. I will say that Ms. Taylor convinced me that I could wear a mesh dress on a first date and now that guy is my husband!”
At press time, Taylor has started an inclusive meet-up of women and femmes who want to learn how to design sewing patterns for non-typical body types which she plans on running over Zoom, with her camera off.
