ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Somewhat popular spokesmutant the Noid returned from self-imposed isolation which immediately resulted in newly leaked emails surrounding Pizzagate allegations, confirmed sources…
NEW YORK — Ted Mosby launched a cannabis brand this week called Archi-THC, which boasts it will make every user more of a whiny, self-pitying,…
CINCINNATI — Organizers of the National Spelling Bee expressed serious concerns this week after learning that the highly-regarded competition is in serious danger of running…
CHICAGO — Cadets of the Chicago Police Academy were reminded of the exhausting six weeks of training they endured in order to become full-fledged police…
DENVER — Local woman Caitlin Baker recently celebrated her fully vaccinated status by dropping her dating standards to an all-time low, concerned friends and family…
LOS ANGELES — Veteran musician and Alkaline Trio founder Matt Skiba reportedly wishes he hadn’t gotten a prominent tattoo of his former band when he…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
CHICAGO — Local stoner Lukas James accidentally tasted his first apple in over ten years last week after using it to construct a homemade smoking…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday party will be BYOB or…
REINLANDER, Wisc. — A group of white men were mistaken for the headlining band of a local show early yesterday evening after immediately zeroing in…
AUTOBOT CITY — Heroic Autobot Optimus Prime is currently forbidden from morphing into his truck form and driving on roads following a failed highway safety…
ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow her to casually stereotype people,…