HUMPTULIPS, Wash. — Local “rise and grinder” Jake Munchen is reportedly trying to break into the venue security career field by practicing crossing his arms…
OMAHA, Neb. — A longtime Walmart employee revealed that he is giving himself at least three or four more shifts until he finally snaps and…
SEATTLE — Local punk Brock Riley admits that he yearns for days when he could spread every illness under the sun to his friends without…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand why his presence would be…
ATLANTA — A terrified passenger aboard flight 1894 to Portland expressed slight relief today in noting that the creature on the wing of his plane…
AUBURN HILLS, Mi. — Major US automotive company Chrysler announced that its new 2022 line of vehicles were as big as a whale, and fully…
HOMEWOOD, Ill. — First responders are attempting to reach a group of fathers that became stuck when a local man-cave weakened and toppled around them…
CHICAGO — Local young couple Brandon Brentwood and Jade Long discovered that Long’s grandmother is just trying way too hard after going through her vinyl…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
SEATTLE — Local amateur groupie Sarah Pepper is reportedly horrified after accidentally sleeping with the deceased body lying behind a local bar’s PA system. “I…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local punk Randy “Dirty Randy” Lopez made a surprisingly well-thought-out and articulated case for the Chrysler PT Cruiser as a counter-culture icon,…