OMAHA, Neb. — Mason Asghar, the head bouncer at local club Arroz Con Pollster, recently let in an enormous wooden horse without giving it a second thought, shocked and confused bystanders report.
“It seemed cool as hell. It was kind of funny including the dong and I wanted to see if it could wheel inside the doorframe. I’m pretty amazed it did,” said Asghar. “No, no minors could get inside. Do you think a couple of kids could have made that? It was just a cool ass statue, that’s all. You know, the bar has kinda fallen in a bit of a rough patch, so getting this gift could really help us out. Suddenly, we’re not just the bar that only plays LCD Soundsystem music videos on the TVs, you know, now we’re the bar with the giant horse. Think of the social media engagement!”
Clubgoer Julio Randolph was miffed at Asghar’s unorthodox decision.
“I’ve been standing outside this stupid club for three hours, waiting in line just hoping I get in. Then out of nowhere, this massive horse on wheels, had to be twenty feet tall, cuts in line in front of me,” said a visibly irritated Randolph. “I could hear people giggling inside of it, for fuck’s sake. The bouncer guy takes one look at it and lets it in. I come up to the door and the guy says ‘sorry man, I don’t know if you’ll fit inside the building. I just let a giant wooden horse in.’ How am I supposed to react to that?!”
Bartender Leaf Sanchez also seemed disappointed regarding his coworker’s lack of judgement.
“I’ve trusted Mason like a brother. We’re really proud of keeping ACP a safe place for everybody who wants to come here. We’ve put previous art installations in here before and we can’t afford to keep paying off the fire inspectors.” Sanchez sighed as they wiped down the counter. “That horse does look damn cool though. Maybe we can start charging a cover fee for people to get inside it.”
At press time, a mysterious trap door opened from the belly of the sculpture.