AUSTIN, Texas — Recent transplant Andre Alvarado was reportedly unsure which merch table was socially acceptable to aimlessly stand by late last week while attending…
SAN ANTONIO — Local “good guy” and gun enthusiast Dean Hart admitted today that “constant” rejection and overwhelming loneliness has only increased his bitterness towards…
PHILADELPHIA — A long-winded and confusing rant last night about gender identity by legendary hardcore frontman Bobbie Bryant was likely meant to be positive, despite…
LOS ANGELES — The dilapidated building that provided the backdrop for every promo photo from every hardcore band ever will be demolished and replaced with…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Residents of a basement apartment on Gardner Street are counting on a single, $5 tub of spackle to repair multiple doors, walls,…
BALTIMORE — Married couple Kenny Wallace and Audrey Tyler are praying to “Christ or whatever the fuck” that the band they’re seeing will not return…
RENO, Nev. — Touring hardcore outfit Hammer Envy received a single, damp towel last night to share amongst the four of them while staying at…
ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in coach” during an impassioned pre-flight…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — 33-year-old pop-punk frontman Danny Huerta has reportedly been cast out of the scene he helped build after he was outed late…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Butthole Canyon frontman Richie Butthole increasingly regrets his chosen stage name, now that he is approaching his mid-30s, sources close to the…
INDIANAPOLIS – Local girlfriend Stacey Hopkins, currently sitting on the edge of the couch while her boyfriend plays Battlefront II, has reportedly just dropped $3,000 to…
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest edition of the popular “Construction…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local metalhead Terry Parker found yesterday that he is almost out of body parts into which to carve the word “Slayer” as…
Legendary music producer Quincy Jones is best known for his cool demeanor and ability to spot raw talent, but the 79-time Grammy Award nominee was…
