EAST LANSING, Mich. — New York Republican representative George Santos reportedly empathized with the families of the victims of the mass shooting at Michigan State…
As the nation reels from yet another senseless act of violence perpetrated against the innocent, I’d like to offer the citizens of TOWN NAME GOES…
CEDARBURG, Wisc. — Local school safety officer Jacob Miller quietly admitted he was jealous of a gunman that opened fire on a classroom killing eight…
NASHVILLE – Right-wing podcaster Skyler Donelli admitted he is having difficulty choosing a side in the debate over whether a toddler accidentally shooting its mother…
Score one for feminism! Female officer Monica Kelly stuck it to the patriarchy and got the same amount of paid leave for shooting an unarmed…
DURHAM, N.C — A federal judge ruled that Durham police officer Darrell Bartlett was justified in shooting his sidearm wildly in all directions because he…
BREWSTER, N.Y. — Local parent and lifelong Republican Shane Holmes expressed concerns over the dangers his child faces in the event that she might be…
PINOLE, Calif. — Emergency Medical responders arrived at the site of a psychiatric distress call late Wednesday to find Sheriff’s Deputies already wildly firing their…
UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are counting down the days from…
First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one ever is killed by just…
STUDIO CITY, Calif. — Popular game show “Jeopardy!” ceased filming mid-episode last week when contestant and off-duty police officer Jamie Boyd shot up the studio…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
My neighbor has a lawn gnome whose shadow lands on my property. Needless to say, I’ve been researching hitmen on the dark web for the…
NEW YORK ⏤ Recently debuted African American muppet Elijah Walker was fatally shot by Sesame Street police after officers mistakenly identified the number seven being…
BOULDER, Colo. — Unpopular yet devastating virus COVID-19 announced it will be partnering with Mass Shootings in a co-headlining killing spree that will stretch from…