SpongeBob Squarepants. What do we know about him? He lives in a pineapple, but then again, who doesn’t? Said pineapple happens to be under the…
“Move it, football head!” For some, this iconic line immediately evokes memories of the classic Nickelodeon cartoon ‘Hey Arnold!’–starring a far-out New York pre-teen named…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
NEW YORK — Owner and lead investigator of the Blue Prints Detective Agency, Steve, sat down and wept in his shower for several hours after…
If you grew up in the nineties, the alternative rock radio hits of the day probably bring you back to things like eating Nic Nacs,…
LOS ANGELES — Former precocious one-year-old and current convicted felon on parole Tommy Pickles, now 31, allegedly muttered to himself “a baby’s gotta do what…
ORLANDO — Peter Hannah, creator of the classic Nickelodeon series “CatDog,” announced last week that Cat is in fact the one who pisses and shits…
VERONA, N.J. — Local 36-year-old Jordan Wilkins still hasn’t forgiven himself for completely botching his shopping spree during 1994’s “Nickelodeon Super Toy Run,” friends and…
BLUFFINGTON — Roger Klotz, son of famed monster truck driver Edwina Klotz and former middle school bully, is “a fucking cop now with a gun…
Recently, the Hard Times sat down, on a concrete staircase, with one of the most influential voices in the history of crust punk, Stoop Kid,…
Two things I know for sure — Most sexual fetishes can be traced back to a singular, intense childhood experience, and ’90s Nickelodeon totally ruled!…