October is the perfect month to deep dive into some spooky nostalgia! This year we decided to to spend a little time with The Midnight Society and revisit every ’90s kids favorite nightmare fuel “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”
Well we are happy to report, this show holds up! It may be a kid’s show that feels very Canadian but honestly, some of these episodes still make us piss ourselves with fear! At least, we thought the piss was fear related. Now we’re not so sure. There’s kind of a lot of it… could we be sick or something? Anyway, let’s get into this top 30 and not think about it!
30. “The Tale of C7”
Just a nice, semi-romantic lakeside ghost tale. Not a drop of piss. Oh actually no there is one. Hmm.
29. “The Tale of the Lonely Ghost”
Tugs at the heartstrings a bit maybe but just not that scary. Still a few more drops of piss though, curious.
28. “The Tale of the Midnight Ride”
A ‘90s teen twist on the legend of The Headless Horseman. I swear it wasn’t scary and yet there are clearly fresh piss drops here. Am I just like slowly leaking piss all the time and just now noticing? It’s soaking through multiple layers.
27. “The Tale of the Bookish Babysitter”
This one is honestly more whimsy than horror, and whatever issue I was having with piss seems to have righted itself. No wait there it goes again, what the fuck I just changed my underwear!
26. “The Tale of the Unfinished Painting”
What could be scarier than an art class?! The answer is obviously lots of stuff. Okay, there’s a straight-up spot now. Did I put on dirty underwear by mistake? This is a Stephen King-sized piss stain, I don’t know what’s going on.
25. “The Tale of Apartment 214”
Jeffrey Dahmer lived in apartment 213, is she meant to be his neighbor? This Large Marge light story I would call spooky, but not scary, and yet the spot is bigger! Definitely not just the underwear, something is up with me.
24. “The Tale of the Full Moon”
This was a weird one and I’ve always appreciated the campiness of it, but in terms of fear there should be zero piss in my shorts and there is more than that, I could probably fill a water balloon at this point. Am I drinking too much water?
23. “The Tale of the Quicksilver”
This one scared some of the piss out of me for sure. Not this much piss though. Some of this piss is definitely not fear-related, I’m a little alarmed. Could I be diabetic?
22. “The Tale of the Dangerous Soup”
You never forget the taste of fear. You never forget the smell of fear either. It smells like piss. Okay yeah, the piss-to-fear ratio is way off here. Way off. Maybe a quick peak at WebMD is in order.
21. “The Tale of Old Man Corcoran”
Definitely a few solid jump-scare moments in this spooky graveyard tale. One of them gave me a little spritz, but then several full-on spurts after that I can’t really explain. I’m 29, this is not right.
20. “The Tale of the Ghastly Grinner”
Okay there’s a lot more pee this time, but look at that guy. He looks like some kind of piss demon. I’m gonna just chalk this one up to the episode. I’m gonna go get all my piss out before the next ep, change underwear one more time, and hope that whatever was going on with me is done and I can stop worrying.
19. “The Tale of the Quiet Librarian”
This one was a lot scarier back when I was a kid and librarians were still a force to be reckoned with, but watching it through adult eyes… God, more piss? I like, JUST went. What’s wrong with my body?
18. “The Tale of the Pinball Wizard”
Scary stuff, but if I had to pick the scariest wizard I’m dealing with right now, it would be ME! Wizzin’ all over the goddamn place! I am straight-up damp. This is not normal. Am I still on Mom’s insurance?
17. “The Tale of the Prom Queen”
This ghost story centering around the mystery of a girl killed on her way to the prom in the ‘50s warrants some urine, but this?! It’s getting on the couch now!
16. “The Tale of the Twisted Claw”
Here’s a scary story for ya, the tale of the soggy bottoms. Jesus, I am a MESS, piss-wise.