MOUNT JOY, Penn. — Slipknot’s latest music video for the song “Hive Mind” turned out to actually be a thinly veiled promotional material for the central Pennsylvania haunted hayride company Spooky Bales!, sources who no matter which way you look at it are still really into goony masks.
“We stopped at Spooky Bales! while we were on tour last year and it was just the best. Man, that guy with the fake chainsaw sure gave me a frightening, I tell you,” explained Corey Taylor. “So when it came time to make the ‘Hive Mind’ video we really wanted to pay homage to what a good time we had. It was only after we were finished that we realized we’d basically made a five-minute-long commercial featuring lots of pumpkins – can’t say we’re disappointed though.”
Spooky Bales! owner Desmond Dalton detailed his experience with the band.
“They came through here last year and most people actually mistook them for actors. They kept their masks on the whole time, so really that’s on them,” began Dalton. “When they contacted me a few months ago about featuring the hayride in their new music video, my only request was that they include the company’s phone number in the video.”
“Hey, any press is good press,” continued Dalton. “I don’t really know much from heavy metal, but those slip-nips are alright in my book.”
Horror/Metal historian, a skeleton wearing a tweed jacket, gave some background on spooktastic crossover promos.
“Metal bands and family-oriented roadside attractions go together like Draculas and swamp monsters – that is to say, very well,” explained the skeleton. “This is just like the time Rob Zombie inadvertently used ‘The Devil’s Rejects’ to buttress a touring circus sideshow. From what I hear, they’re still on the road today.”
At press time, Slipknot also released a new single about how much they love a regional ghost-hunting team in Milwaukee called Spooky Hunters!
Although “Living Outside,” Sense Field’s fifth and final studio album is better than most band’s LPs in ANY genre, one record had to be listed last here, and we know, we know, we’re wrong about this and everything else we write below and moving forward for the rest of our sordid lives tonight and forever. The band went out with a bang here with “Living Outside” as said LP was their only Billboard charting record and debuted at #37 on U.S. Heatseakers, which is no small feat or pair of shoes. Sadly the band split just one year after this album was released, and sporadically reunited several times until Bunch’s untimely passing. Thankfully, Jon wasn’t done singing, as he eventually joined Further Seems Forever as their six-hundred-and-sixty-sixth vocalist before they disbanded in 2005, and fronted an underrated and rocking act called War Generation.
“Save Yourself,” which is by far Sense Field’s biggest “hit” single, is likely why you’re here unless you’re punker than a rock, and reason enough for this record to not be in the dreaded bottom slot. “Tonight and Forever” asks its listeners two questions: 1) Are you ok? 2) Am I a fool? The simple one-word answers are obvious on your end: 1) No. 2) Yes. “Save Yourself” provided the band the opportunity to perform on late-night shows like “The Tonight Show,” “The Late Late Show,” and “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” but that might of actually been a fever dream we had when we stayed home from school. The record precludes a haunted memory regarding Sense Field’s future, and sadly the fun never starts again, but you’ve got to be strong. In closing, 2001 was quite a year for acts in SF’s sphere, as Jimmy Eat World, Dashboard Confessional, Thursday, and Boston all released groundbreaking records then.
While not a straight up punk rock record per se, Sense Field is still in said rock world, and released their debut self-titled LP to an aggressive sea of mainstream punk or “punk” if you’re feeling nasty/frisky/freaky/magical albums like Green Day’s blockbuster “Dookie,” The Offspring’s highly successful “Smash,” Bad Religion’s harmonious “Stranger Than Fiction,” and Sade’s compilation to end all compilations known as “The Best of Sade”; your love is king, as a smooth operator is much more than a smooth criminal but not as smooth as a smoothie from Erewhon. Containing a lot of one-word song titles like “Dreams,” “Sage,” “Soft,” and “Pizza,” Sense Field set the stage for one-word responses to said songs like, “rad,” “sad,” “mad,” and “Vlad(imir)”. Even though many SF shows don’t have public setlists , a quick search shows that another one-word title, “Voice,” was a favorite.
After their breakout self-titled debut, Sense Field released their sophomore follow-up LP that same year called “Killed For Less,” and it’s where the band truly came into their own and into another. Opening said record with “Today And Tomorrow,” easily a top ten SF song, was a solid choice, as both old heads and new listeners of the band alike seemed to be drawn into a feeling of goodloveall, thus becoming super fans… And don’t get us started on the simple yet effective opening riff and “scream” for track two, Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory” opener known as “Papercut.” Also, like the album before it, there are many one-word song titles featured on “Killed For Less,” and said stat truly gets highlighted with tracks six through nine being called: “Futon,” “Voice,” “Soft,” and “Allyouneedisloveloveisallyouneed”. Now we’re building towards the end, and everyone we see will agree, or won’t.
Reason to believe: We’re here at the top of the world, you and I, and said roof has no “skip it” tracks. Sense Field’s third record “Building” took many by storm, but we theorize that it would’ve been so much bigger if it came out when its follow-up was released. Still, we hope this album’s legacy remains strong and outlives all men/women/human beings/cockroaches. As stated above, the world still cries for vocalist Jon Bunch, and if you were lucky enough to attend the benefit shows for Jon’s son Jack on one or both coasts, it must’ve been a sight unseen any day prior, as bands like Rocket From The Crypt, Texas Is The Reason, Knapsack, and Debbie Gibson performed, and many singers guested on lead vocals with the remaining members of Sense Field.
Absolutely not. Michel is a meticulous French concierge who wouldn’t be caught dead with a greasy kebab. He is repulsed by bagels, committed to the egg-white omelet and has a meltdown when he realizes he’s been drinking 2% instead of skim milk for a week. In fact, Michel might have an eating disorder disguised as early 2000s diet culture. Regardless, no street meat for Michel.
A drill-sergeant parent and a zealous Seventh-Day Adventist with a strict, likely religiously imposed diet. John Kellogg was a Seventh-Day Adventist, and he invented a bland cereal so that people would stop masturbating. Sylvester Graham also tried his luck at getting a boring fucking cracker to get people to stop self-pleasuring. Apparently it was an issue of the time. Anyway, Mrs. Kim is a hard pass.
I just have this feeling that Taylor is eating sweets at all hours of the day. He kicks off his morning with a cinnamon roll and ends his day with a fudge sundae, skipping lunch in between. His taste buds rarely crave a juicy, savory french dip. Also, he’s a little bitch who is the type to say shit like “back in my day, we didn’t receive participation trophies,” so here you go, Taylor – no participation trophy.
Mitchum seems like the type to subsist off black coffee, pills, martinis, and filet mignon. Shira seems like the type to subsist off protein shakes, Diet Coke, and salmon salads. They think Cubano is a type of ballroom dance and not a buttery sandwich with pork, ham, pickles, and mustard on toasted bread. And frankly, it’s better that way.
No, Miss Patty wouldn’t be cool with street meat. Not unless we’re talking about a male prostitute.
Sherry is a chamomile-tea-and-kale-chips bitch who would scoff at the suggestion of souvlaki. While she would absolutely slay at healthy weekly meal planning, she would rather have her Mary Kay credit card get revoked than eat a hotdog outside of the stadium.
Nope, Tristan is a fork-and-knife, country club kid who probably has never seen a menu with numbered meals. He’s skeevy, he’s scummy, and he’s a sexual predator–so even though he’d fit right in a dark corner of a dive bar, he’s more inclined to harass waitresses at high-end establishments.
Doyle is high-maintenance and a bit sheltered, so I don’t think he’d do well with spontaneity, which is half the fun of street meat. He seems like the type to get a tummy ache from eating basically anything and then complain about it all night long. He chronically forgets his Lactaid and then makes it your problem. I’d make sure this guy stays away from chili dogs, and me.
She’s the eldest Lorelai and the namesake of the whole god-damn clan. Because of her eugenicist-esque obsession with pedigree, I wouldn’t expect to find her inhaling a hoagie. On the other hand, she did rent a house to Korn. On the other other hand, she was a landlord. It’s a no from me dog.
Nicole is a lawyer (one strike) who cheats (two strikes) and who enjoys the types of salads that we’re being served in a diner in Nowhere, Connecticut in the early 2000s (three strikes). You know the ones–iceberg lettuce devoid of all chlorophyll topped with coins of carrots, black olives, shredded mozzarella cheese, and some Newman’s Own Italian Dressing. So no, she sure as hell wouldn’t be found eating a beef taquito from her local 7/11.
Nah, Max isn’t a food truck guy. This prep-school professor is a bit of a simp, so the only way he could be found eating a bucket of chicken would be to give a woman the impression that he’s a chill dude without a stick up his ass. But he actually kinda has a stick up his ass. And it’s not a KFC drumstick.
He was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he can still be found sucking on it from time to time. He might indulge in a lobster roll when on vacation in the Vineyard, but he’d look at a sausage roll with skepticism. London’s street food scene is wasted on this pretty boy.
Since he’s a busker, you’d would think he’d be pretty comfortable with grabbing a late-night brat. But actually, this Troubadour is a dirty, crunchy vegan who slacklines and refuses to wear shoes, only going barefoot. He runs his own produce stand and definitely got scammed into buying some essential oils one time.
Jason is the human version of a $250 omakase menu. He likes confined spaces and tiny bubbles. He can’t sleep in a bed with another person and hates fast food. Get a life, Jason. He’s not dead last because he was willing to eat a giant grocery store egg roll, but still, he’s nowhere near the gold.
Chris would try an empanada, but he would mispronounce it and then embarrassingly defend himself. He would get so flustered that he wouldn’t even care about the delicious, steaming little pocket of beef and onion in front of him, only taking one small bite and then letting it get cold while he talked incessantly about his experience studying abroad.
Marty gives off “nice guy” Midwest vibes. He fucks with ranch, blue cheese, heavy cream, sour cream, whipping cream and cream cheese. He’s seen a hotdish in his day. I just imagine his upbringing in a depressing ’90s dining room with a distant father and saccharine mother, a la “Freaks and Geeks.” He’s a bit sheltered, and I just don’t think he’s the first to reach for a sambusa.
Emily Gilmore doesn’t know what “street meat” is. The only reason she made it this high is because she had a meltdown in a mall and then ate food-court Sbarro pizza with a fork. But still, she ate it.
Stars Hollow’s beloved-yet-curmudgeonly diner owner can be found serving up bacon and eggs every day. His career choice makes it seem like he’d be down to clown on some chimichangas, but Luke is actually an Almond Mom. Not only does he prefer turkey burgers and carrot sticks to ground beef and fries, but he also gleefully judges people who don’t share his healthy habits.
Sookie is what one might call a “foodie.” A classically trained chef, I think Sookie is happy eating anything from tacos to steak tartare, as long as it tastes good. But Sookie cannot relinquish control, and one component of enjoying street meat is removing yourself from the process. You just gotta close your eyes and dive straight into that dumpling, but Sookie would say something like “hmm, it needs chives,” and frankly, it would kill our vibe.
Jackson is a local produce supplier–he can always be found with his arms full of blueberries, zucchini, mushrooms, and rasp quats (don’t ask). Plus, he’s sleeping with–okay, married to– the best chef in town. Would he turn his nose up to Pelmini if offered? No. But does he have the inherent makings of a street meat savant? Also no.
Logan’s chaotic and deluded besties, these two would only be found eating a corndog on some sort of crude fraternity dare. But guess what? They love crude fraternity dares. They tend to be the hazer, though, not the hazee.
