I’m not a sociopath. I’m aware that you can’t see through my tall, chiseled, fragrant body. And I feel bad about it. But life isn’t…
READING, Pa. — Local punk mom and recent fitness enthusiast Patti Clacher surprised members of her mall-walking meetup group today by showing up with a…
As investigative journalists, we at The Hard Times aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions. Also, we know a guy who let us borrow his…
LAS VEGAS — Local woman Veronica Freeman set a new record at the annual RollerCon last week, giving herself a roller derby name with four…
I don’t understand what happened to this country. Since when did celebrating the greatest British musical import since The Beatles become a crime? How does…
LOS ANGELES — “Justice League” director Zack Snyder is set to helm another comic book movie: a gritty reboot of the graphic novel featured in…
MILWAUKEE — Representatives from the top acoustic bass manufacturers gathered yesterday outside Violent Femmes bassist Brian Ritchie’s house to beg him to purchase another bass…
If you think you like bad boys, then you haven’t met 26-year-old Nora Sardana! Sardana has the incredible skill of identifying someone as a predator…
BALTIMORE — Local introvert Katie Pidacter quietly hoped yesterday that no one would remember her birthday this year, in order to avoid the looming pressure…
DURHAM, N.C. — Rising data entry star Stuart Carroll is hospitalized today following a freak tech deck accident, which doctors fear could mark the end…
DETROIT — A neglected Hoover WindTunnel vacuum currently stuffed in the front closet of notorious punk house The Slayboy Mansion is desperately yearning for the…
If you’re like me, the Super Bowl is the only football game you’ll watch all year. Maybe a coworker invited you to a viewing party…
PHILADELPHIA — Friend-of-a-friend and uninvited Super Bowl party guest Bartholomew Youngblood just wants everyone to know that the word “football” means something entirely different to…