HADDONFIELD, Ill. — Serial killer and supernatural force of pure evil Michael Myers insists upon wearing three layers of face masks even after receiving the…
SEATTLE — Local cat owner Robbie Kratchiz admitted yesterday that his cat tree was the most expensive piece of furniture in his entire apartment, sources…
DETROIT — Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss the apparent plan of succession…
MINNEAPOLIS — Former police officer and now-convicted murderer, Derek Chauvin, is reportedly upset that the most sacred day on his calendar, Hitler’s birthday, is tarnished…
AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Your Grandpa, a lifelong stoner and de facto family historian, fondly recalled a time when you were “only this high,” you…
AMSTERDAM — Festive spirits are high in Holland today as the nation celebrates Fourten Twitzen, their version of 4/20 day, where children who refuse to…
ENCINO, Calif. — Local punk and cannabis enjoyer Lulu Alazraqui will almost certainly not take her first 4/20 bong rip any earlier than 4:27pm PST,…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers across the country are upgrading their tires to near military-grade 4/20 models for the upcoming cannabis-themed day…
ORLANDO — Peter Hannah, creator of the classic Nickelodeon series “CatDog,” announced last week that Cat is in fact the one who pisses and shits…
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local law enforcement veteran Sergeant David Maddison drew praise from fellow officers for deftly concealing his identity to evade community criticism and…
Regardless of your relationship status, the past year of quarantine and lockdown has certainly put added stress on everyone’s love life. It took my partner…
JIM THORPE, Penn. — Craigslist user Hampton Bellamy sold a badly damaged and completely non-functional Kustom amplifier yesterday after listing it on the website “as…
NEW YORK ⏤ Recently debuted African American muppet Elijah Walker was fatally shot by Sesame Street police after officers mistakenly identified the number seven being…