Opinion: Passing Out On The Neighbor’s Lawn Technically Counts As Camping
I’ve always been the outdoorsy type. There’s nothing I love more than wrapping myself in a dirty flannel and striking…
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James Knapp — Page 17
314 stories found
Oh You’re My Ex? Name Three Imagined Arguments I’ve Won In My Head Since Our Totally Mutual Breakup
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. So you’re my ex, huh? You’re the person I’ve been obsessively constructing imagined…
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How I Saved $500 A Month By Firing The Family Counselor Who Told Me To Stop Fat-shaming My Children
Look, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it: I enjoy having more…
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Fans Divided On New Supergroup Crosby, Stills, Nash & Danzig
PARAMUS, N.J. — Recently formed supergroup Crosby, Stills, Nash & Danzig received a mixed reaction from fans unsure of the…
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White Liberals Quietly Take Down Yard Sign For Tax Season
CAMP HILL, Penn. — Suburban couple George and Esme Albertson discretely removed their sweatshop-grade cardboard yard sign, which professed unwavering…
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We Went To A House Show In Brooklyn And It Still Cost Us $330 Somehow
Every once in a while we feel like we have to get back to our roots. It’s become even more…
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Conspiracy Theorist Trying To Figure How To Fit the Food Pyramid Into All This
PEMBROKE, N.H. — Local crackpot Denise Bemis recently hit a roadblock in her conspiratorial ramblings when she began trying to…
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Opera House Ghost Guesses He Just Haunts Live Podcasts Now
MILAN, Italy — The incorporeal specter that has haunted the historic La Scala opera house for more than two centuries…
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Old Blues Legend Struck by Existential Horror Upon Realizing He’s At Least Indirectly Responsible For Influencing Machine Gun Kelly
HOLCOMB, Miss. — Influential Delta blues musician Jojo “Two Joes” Listwood was recently stricken with a life-crippling terror after it…
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We Tried Playing D&D and This Game Is Nowhere Near as Satanic as 80s Republicans Promised Us
The 1980’s — the decade that gave us parachute pants, Reaganonomics and, of course, rampant Satanic ritual magic disguised as…
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