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Quiz: You Ever Get So Drunk That You Forget You’re at CVS and Also on Acid

Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward. Shit. How did I even get here? And where is here, exactly? And why are there so many brands of multivitamins? Whoa, those Flintstones chewables look real fucking groovy right now. Just dancin’ and chillin’ with dinosaurs and… oh, right! I’m at CVS. And also on acid. I keep forgetting that part.

Okay, got it. I’m drunk at CVS. And on acid. Shit, I keep forgetting. Now, why did I come here? I was at the bar and that hippie dude asked me to get him something from here and that it had something to do with that strip of paper he gave me to chew on and… FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! That was LSD! That hippy fuck totally dosed me! Shit! Wait, no. That was Phil. We were gonna drop acid tonight. I love that hippy fuck!

Okay, now what did Phil ask me to get? Man, I think I’m gonna throw up. Just need to lie on the floor for a minute and get my bearings. What did Phil want? It’s usually acid. Did I come here to get acid? We were gonna trip tonight. Maybe that’s why he needed me to go here. To get the acid. Whoa, I am really digging on this tile right now. It’s so cold and flat it’s like it’s smiling at me. Happy tile. I wonder if the tile in other aisles is as happy as here. Better crawl my way over to housewares and check it out. Maybe the other tile knows where to get the acid Phil asked me to come here to get.

This aisle looks familiar. I wonder if they ever rent this place out for shows. The acoustics are probably pretty good in here. All echoey and sounding like there’s footsteps right behind you. Uh, is there someone following me? I swear it feels like someone’s following me. Fuck, I gotta get outta here. There’s the exit. Okay, now somersault! Somersault your way towards freedom!

No, wait. Now I remember. I came here to get a new razor so I can shave for that job interview I have tomorrow. Now please show me to the personal care aisle and, yes, I would like to sign up for a CVS card today.