Every Ramones Albums Ranked

Posted on by Tim Graham

When I agreed to rank the Ramones’ discography, I guess I forgot just how many albums they’d put out. How does one go about ranking fourteen albums by a band when frankly, much of their oeuvre sounds so similar? Well, you could do worse than spending a few days emptying tubes of airplane glue into a paper bag and huffing deeply while repeatedly bingeing their entire discography.

14. ¡Adios Amigos! (1995)

The final Ramones album finds the band limping across the finish line—exhausted, depleted and seemingly short on ideas. Joey hands the mic off to Dee Dee’s replacement C.J. far too often here.

Play It Again: The Tom Waits cover “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up” works perfectly when given the Ramones treatment.
Skip It: “The Crusher”, “Makin Monsters for My Friends”, “Scattergun” and “Cretin Family” are all duds sung by C.J.

 

13. Acid Eaters (1993)

Too sick of each others’ shit to sit down and write songs together, the band recorded a covers album, which is generally as underwhelming as a sitcom clip show. That being said, some interesting choices and decent performances make this worth revisiting once every few years.

Play It Again: “7 and 7 Is”
Skip It: “Journey to the Center of the Mind” is a good song, but fuck Ted Nugent.

 

 

12. End of the Century (1980)

For the band’s first earnest bid at mainstream acceptance, they recruited psychotic hitmaking producer Phil Spector. The future convicted murderer pulled a gun on the band during recording, putting them in esteemed company alongside Leonard Cohen and future murder victim John Lennon.

Play It Again: The Dee Dee/Richard Hell classic “Chinese Rock” rescues this album from going completely in the bin.
Skip It: “The Return of Jackie and Judy” for a start.

 

11. Pleasant Dreams (1981)

The Ramones put out a lot of albums, and this is one of them. A mostly flaccid batch of regressive nostalgic paeans to 50s and 60s rock culture, with a couple of gems shining through. Some sonic experimentation and more complex songwriting add some interest, but not enough.

Play It Again: “The KKK Took My Baby Away”
Skip It: “She’s a Sensation”

 

 

 

10. Animal Boy (1986)

“My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg)” is the most stirring, sentimental anthem you’ll ever hear about Reagan visiting Germany. They really ran with the animal theme on this one, with songs such as “Eat That Rat,” “Hair of the Dog,” and “Apeman Hop”.

Play It Again: “Somebody Put Something in My Drink”
Skip It: The goofy sound effects in “Apeman Hop” really drag it down.

 

 

9. Halfway to Sanity (1987)

More songs about “bopping” (“Bop Till You Drop”) and wanting things (“I Wanna Live”). Runs the gamut from schmaltzy 50s nostalgia (“Bye Bye Baby”) to flirting with hardcore (“I’m Not Jesus”, which was strangely covered by extreme metal band Behemoth). This is drummer Richie’s last appearance—his brief tenure with the mostly now-deceased band is probably the only reason he’s still alive as of this writing.

Play It Again: “Garden of Serenity” finds Joey pleasantly veering into Danzig crooning territory.
Skip It: “Weasel Face” is a tossed-off novelty song that belongs on the Dr. Demento Show.

8. Too Tough to Die (1984)

As the title implies, this is the boys at their “toughest,” featuring antagonistic songs like “Mama’s Boy” and “Warthog.” Of course, compared to other punk bands, the Ramones’ idea of toughness is pretty tame, sort of like a cute puppy with a switchblade in its mouth.

Play It Again: “Warthog”, their indignant take on snotty British punk.
Skip It: The brief instrumental “Durango 95”, which just sounds like a boilerplate Ramones track they forgot to record vocals for.

 

7. Brain Drain (1989)

This is Dee Dee’s final album before leaving to reinvent/humiliate himself as rapper Dee Dee King. With their best songwriter gone, the band probably should’ve heeded a warning from the film Pet Sematary: “Sometimes dead is better.” They still had some good songs left in them, but it’s mostly downhill from here.

Play It Again: “Pet Sematary”
Skip It: “Ignorance is Bliss” is the weakest entry on an overall strong album.

 

 

6. Mondo Bizarro (1992)

This is an unexpectedly decent release considering all the strife the band endured up to this point, including shifting lineups, addiction, poor sales and mental illness. Packed with more bangers than a British butcher shop, due in part to some super-solid contributions from now ex-Ramone Dee Dee.

Play It Again: “Poison Heart”
Skip It: “Cabbies on Crack”

 

 

 

5. Subterranean Jungle (1983)

It feels like the band said, “Okay, we’re not going to make it big, so we might as well try to have fun.” After their previous two albums failed to garner the band radio hits, the Ramones returned to their earlier punk sound with renewed energy. If I were some kind of lazy hack reviewer I’d say this album finds the band “firing on all cylinders” or some shit.

Play It Again: “Outsider”, one of Dee Dee’s finest.
Skip It: “Somebody Like Me” is a watered-down “Blitzkrieg Bop” redux.

 

4. Road to Ruin (1978)

By their fourth album, the Ramones weren’t achieving the fame they felt they deserved. Drummer Tommy left in frustration, but the band were fortunate enough to find a replacement named Marky who incredibly shared the surname Ramone as well—what are the chances?

Play It Again: “I Wanna Be Sedated” is an undeniable masterpiece.
Skip It: “Go Mental”

 

 

3. Leave Home (1977)

Here the band embarked on their Sisyphussian quest for the breakthrough hit which eluded them for their entire career. “Pinhead”, a song based on the obscure film “Freaks,” proves that some of the first punks were really just weird nerds in leather jackets.

Play It Again: “Commando” for those early gang-vocals on the chorus.
Skip It: “Carbona Not Glue”

 

 

 

2. Rocket to Russia (1977)

Seemingly a conscious effort to recreate the magic of their debut, from the nearly identical cover to the opening “Cretin Hop,” an oblique successor to “Blitzkrieg Bop.” Joey blamed poor sales numbers on being overshadowed by the more sensational, wildly inferior Sex Pistols. Featuring what is possibly the Ramones’ greatest couplet, “Sittin’ here in Queens / eating refried beans.”

Play It Again: “I Wanna Be Well”
Skip It: “Surfin’ Bird.” Throw this on a few times in a row to clear a party at the end of the night.

 

1. Ramones (1976)

No stunt ranking here—obviously their legendary debut is at number one. The album was recorded with guitar and bass hard-panned left and right, so baby bassists like myself could omit the bass channel and play along, pretending to be Dee Dee (minus the heroin habit).

Play It Again: All of ‘em.
Skip It: If you’re skipping songs on this record, you’re likely a brat who deserves to be beat on with a baseball bat.

 

 

 

Check out more rankings of your favorite bands

Costco Introduces Economy-Sized Guitar With 48 Strings

Posted on by Jessica Lillian

ISSAQUAH, Wash. – Costco Wholesale recently unveiled the eight-foot-long, 48-string Kirkland Signature Super Widebody electric guitar, sources both confused and impressed report.

“At Costco, we pride ourselves on offering our members significant cost savings over standard-size purchases,” stated senior VP of Communications Patricia Reddingridge while delicately placing her half-eaten $1.50 hot dog on a napkin. “With the new Kirkland Signature Super Widebody economy-sized guitar, you’ll never run out of strings at an inconvenient time. Buying that old standard guitar is like picking up a puny quart-sized bottle of vodka or one roll of toilet paper. Sure, you could, but you’re simply wasting your money.”

Members appeared excited about the massive rig, which comes with a 10-foot amp requiring a forklift for safe transport to the buyer’s vehicle.

“Oh yeah, this’ll be sweet,” said Jordan Statsky, 25-year-old guitarist for indie band The Ordinary Dividends, who was using his mother’s Costco Executive membership to fill his cart with beef jerky and Nerds Gummy Clusters. “We’ll have to tie it to the top of the van when we tour, and maybe get one of those highway escort vehicles, but if my mom finds a coupon in The Costco Connection for this bad boy, it’ll totally be worth it. Even though I guess we’ll have to rewrite all our songs to get rid of barre chords. Dude, I can’t even wrap my arm around the fretboard. It says you need two people and an industrial wrench for the tuning pegs. But I won’t have to buy new strings, like, ever again!”

According to musical gear industry analyst Frank Aureli, Ph.D, economic challenges for today’s struggling bands have opened the door to creative — if questionable — solutions.

“Back when bands relied on album sales and profitable tours, they could swing a decent mid-level Strat, with no financial strain” recalled Aureli. “Now, we see a lot of guitarists playing whatever moldy knock-offs they find on Craigslist. Some are even resorting to gear theft to supply their bands. And others will probably shell out for this downright Brobdingagian Kirkland Signature axe, which cannot be slung around a performer’s neck without breaking several bones. During testing, once we found enough people to play an actual chord, the tone was surprisingly exquisite. Costco is likely white-labeling high-quality components from the Fender factory and melting them together. Pretty sad.”

At press time, Costco’s product development team had released early prototypes for a Kirkland Signature 1,000-key economy-sized piano.

Voices in Brian Wilson’s Head Celebrate 60th Year of Telling Him His Car Sucks and He Can’t Surf

Posted on by Max Barth

LOS ANGELES — The cacophony of voices only audible to Beach Boys legend Brian Wilson today celebrated their 60th year of constantly insulting his car, surfing abilities, and loyalty to his high school, confirmed psychiatric professionals blatantly disregarding patient confidentiality laws.

“It’s an honor to live inside the mind of a true genius,” said one voice, who declined to be identified but sounded suspiciously like Brian Wilson’s authoritarian father Murry. “It’s a further honor that we got to drive some of his best songwriting through our unrelenting psychic torment. Frankly, we should have been inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame along with the band. Still, after six decades, we’re just happy to still be touring with the guy and making him feel like a piece of garbage. He’s actually a pretty nice guy when you get to know him, but we can’t let him know that.”

Beach Boy Al Jardine, who has toured with Brian in recent years, noted that the voices, while hurtful, have grown less vicious over the years.

“I’ve personally never heard [the voices], of course,” said Jardine. “Though I think parts of ‘Smile’ sort of captured them. Apparently nowadays some of them just remind Brian to take his blood pressure medication, which is nice, considering the hell they put him through for so long. His cars were never that bad back in the day, but I’m glad he at least got some songs out of trying to prove they were. Definitely a shitty surfer, though. Dude sucked, honestly we all did other than Dennis Wilson. But I guess you can’t have it all.”

Wilson, now 80, reflected on the love-hate relationship he has had with his multiple inner monologues.

“I’m just happy to still be singing these songs and meeting the folks who come to hear them. Sometimes the voices actually help with some of the live shows. They’ll say, you know, ‘hey asshole do the middle part about the girl now’ and that kind of helps me remember where I’m at in the song,” said Wilson. “They also came up with a few t-shirt designs that people seem to like. I have a really nice car now, by the way. It’s the best in school. By far. By far. It’s never been beat.”

As of press time, the voices were taking a ten-minute break before berating Wilson for skipping breakfast again.

If You Didn’t Want Me to Open Bottles With My Wedding Ring, You Shouldn’t Have Married Me

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

Hey, babe. We need to clear the air. There’s been a lot of tension between us lately and I think I know why. I’ve noticed you bracing yourself every time I grab a fresh bottle of Miller Lite from the fridge. I see you cringing when I slide one of those bottles along my ring finger and crack it open with a flick of my wrist, looking as cool as my ice-cold beverage. Frankly, if you didn’t want me to use my wedding ring to open beer bottles, you shouldn’t have gotten married to me.

You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to marry me, babe. I’m a free spirit. But I’m also down to earth. I’m not gonna pay for some fancy magnet bottle opener or hang a heavy chunk of metal from my keys just so I can uncap a brewski. Not when I’ve got a multifunction tool wrapped around my finger that’s easily accessible at all times. A tool that you gave me, I might add.

It’s not like I was keeping this a secret. I talked about my intentions at the jewelry store when we picked out our rings. I said, “I want this one right here, with the pointy parts. It’ll be super easy to open bottles with this ring.” You and the salesman laughed and, in hindsight, I realize you weren’t appreciating my keen eye for practicality. In any case, I was never anything less than honest and forthcoming with you so you can’t be mad at me now.

Plus, I shelled out for the extended warranty. Even if this thing shatters while I’m popping open some suds, I can just get a new one. I know you say that it’s supposed to be an eternal symbol of our undying love but, babe, no matter what happens to this ring our love will always be there. Just like there’s always beer in the fridge.

That reminds me. Babe, make sure you get beer when you go to the store tomorrow. We’re running pretty low.

Other Songs That Should Be Banned by Wisconsin’s Heyer Elementary School

Posted on by Steve Esparra

With the news that Heyer Elementary School in Waukesha, Wisconsin has removed “Rainbowland” by Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus from their annual Spring Concert, concerned parents have put together a list of other problematic songs and nursery rhymes they feel could indoctrinate their childrens’ innocent young minds. The Hard Times has gotten a hold of the list that the Waukesha Board of Education is in the midst of reviewing.

Please be warned, some of the content in these songs could be considered troubling to some readers.

Pat-A-Cake

A rhyme about bakers? I don’t think so. He’s probably being forced to pat and prick a cake for a gay couple adopting a baby. Unacceptable.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Of course the sheep is lack. Heaven forbid we show our kids that white sheep exist without making them feel guilty.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

I don’t need my son wondering what he is, okay? Also, I don’t like the word “twinkle.” Just doesn’t sit right.

Rock-A-Bye Baby

Trying to normalize cradle rocking is dangerous, and will lead to cradle robbing if left unattended. That’s probably what these groomers want though, isn’t it?

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Sunny, then rainy, then sunny again? Perfect conditions for a rainbow. Keep your climate politics out of our schools.

Humpty Dumpty

Implying that there is any mission that the king’s military can’t handle is unpatriotic. Also, no wall talk until we have one at the border.

Five Little Monkeys

Doctors shouldn’t be telling parents how to raise their children. We love our pediatrician because she has never once told me to stop my kids from jumping on the bed.

Mary Had a Little Lamb

Without order, there is chaos, and children laughing at someone breaking the rules sets a bad precedent.

I’m A Little Teapot

Letting children pretend to be teapots is a slippery slope toward them saying their pronouns are short/stout. Not on my watch!

Wheels on the Bus

Let me guess… this song comes with a lesson about Rosa Parks? It’s been 70 years; enough already.

Hickory Dickory Dock

Nice try. We’ve all heard the Andrew Dice Clay bit.

The school board is also reviewing the district’s policy on musical instruments as a whole, citing that multiple parents have claimed that joining the band in itself seems “a little gay.”

Every Propagandhi Album Ranked

Posted on by John Danek

Fun fact: if you read this whole listicle and listen to all of Propagandhi’s discography today, you will be eligible for an honorary degree in Politics from Bard College. Just use coupon code FREEJOHNHINCKLEY. Ok, let’s get to the rankings of Canada’s most caustic political punks.

7. How to Clean Everything (1993)

If you’re a Propagandhi fan whose eye is now twitching with rage because I’m ranking this juvenile outing last, how’s that AARP membership working out for you? “How to Clean Everything” sounds bad. There are hardly any songs worth revisiting. This is what happens when you let teens into a recording studio.

Play It Again: “Stick the Fucking Flag up Your Goddamn Ass, You Sonofabitch”
Skip It: “I Want U 2 Vant Me”

 

 

6. Failed States (2012)

Failed States completes Propagandhi’s transformation from a snotty melodic skate punk band to a darker thrash/hardcore institution. Have you ever listened to an album, enjoyed it, but had difficulty remembering which songs were which? That happens to me with “Failed States.” A better music critic could tell you why, but you’re stuck with me, so we’re going to leave it at that.

Play It Again: “Failed States”
Skip It: “Cognitive Suicide”

 

 

5. Less Talk, More Rock (1996)

A step up from their debut, Propagandhi’s sophomore effort “Less Talk, More Rock” moves closer towards what would become their signature sound. Quite a bit more aggressive, this LP aims for fewer chuckles and garnered more boos from assholes. We here at The Hard Times can relate.

Play It Again: “…And We Thought Nation States Were a Bad Idea”
Skip It: “Anchorless”

 

 

4. Supporting Caste (2009)

Propagandhi’s most musically progressive entry in their catalog is “Supporting Caste.” The performances and production are top notch, and Chris Hannah gains mastery over his voice here. Oh shit, I started sounding like a real music critic there. Umm, suck my ass?

Play It Again: “Dear Coach’s Corner”
Skip It: “Human(e) Meat (The Flensing of Sandor Katz)”

 

 

 

3. Victory Lap (2017)

No band has gotten more ferocious as they’ve gotten older like Propagandhi has. “Victory Lap” is aptly titled, as it contains some of their most intricate and heavy guitar lines as well as great hooks. Maybe Propagandhi has the Benjamin Button disease? They should go get that checked out.

Play It Again: “Comply/Resist”
Skip It: “In Flagrante Delicto”

 

 

 

2. Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes (2001)

I almost put this album at number 3. Then I woke up and reordered it all because I’m a different person today. “Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes” sees the band with a more mature, more radical worldview. It doesn’t get much straightforward and pure than a song like “Fuck the Border.” Fuck it, indeed.

Play It Again: “Back to the Motor League”
Skip It: “March of the Crabs”

 

 

1. Potemkin City Limits (2005)

You know how people dunk on those columnists in the 90s who were like “I think the internet is a fad and will be gone by year’s end?” The same treatment should be applied to all the idiots who didn’t realize the genius of “Potemkin City Limits.” It contains some of the best, complex hardcore/melodic/whateverthefuck punk songs in North American history. The album opens with one of the greatest punk songs ever which is about an imagined conflict between the U.S. and Canada and escalates from there. Now blast this album and go set a business park on fire.

 

Play It Again: “A Speculative Fiction”
Skip It: “Cut Into the Earth”

Two Opening Snare Hits From Thursday’s “Understanding in a Car Crash” Inducted Into Emo Hall of Fame

Posted on by The Hard Times Staff

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — The Emo Hall of Fame announced its latest wave of inductees which includes the snare drum that opens Thursday’s classic song “Understanding in a Car Crash,” confirmed multiple sources wearing Saucony shoes.

“I’m so proud that I got to play a small part in this historic moment by playing a very small part to open that song,” said Thursday’s drummer Tucker Rule. “I’m hoping that someday the entire song will be inducted, as well as the rest of ‘Full Collapse,’ and maybe even the entire band, but for right now this is a moment to celebrate. I can still remember the day we decided to use the snare to open the song. Originally it started with Geoff (Rickley) saying ‘Ok start now’ as a signal for the guitar to kick in, but one time during practice I dropped my sticks at the exact right moment and history was made.”

Longtime Thursday fans were excited to see an important component of one of their favorite songs finally getting recognition.

“Everyone knows the album opens with this mellow ambient track that doesn’t really add all that much. You sit through it and then out of nowhere the snare drum hits you and changes everything,” said 39-year-old emo fan Kevin Finch. “Anytime I hear that snare sound I get transported back to 2001. It reminds me of how I used to be able to wear a youth large shirt without it being torn to shreds, and how I ruined my family’s sink when I tried dying my hair black. Those were simpler times, back when the closest thing we had to social media was Makeoutclub.”

Dr. Juan Reyes, the president of the Emo Hall of Fame, says there will be an entire exhibit dedicated to the snare sound.

“We are setting up a listening library that will play that .02-second long music clip on repeat for anyone to listen to and enjoy,” said Dr. Reyes. “It will join the amp buzz that opens up Saves the Day’s ‘Through Being Cool,’ the 5 seconds of messing around at the beginning of American Football’s ‘Never Meant,’ and the final kick drum during the fade out of The Get Up Kids’ ‘Something to Write Home About.’ I encourage any fan of real emo to come by and check out the exhibit. But if you try coming in here wearing an All Time Low shirt, just expect trouble.”

The Emo Hall of Fame also announced the construction of a state-of-the-art prison that is expected to house anyone that calls Weezer an emo band.

Entry-Level Bassist Position Requires Bullshit 5 Years of Exposure

Posted on by Bobby Korec

BALTIMORE — Local indie band Pedro Pastel put out an ad seeking an entry-level bassist that required an unrealistic five years of exposure, confirmed sources rolling their eyes in unison.

“It’s always a red flag when the job description says they’re looking for a ‘rockstar’ and someone that can work in a fast-paced practice environment,” said bassist and potential candidate Blaine Dawson. “Let’s see. I have a bachelor’s degree in music theory, master’s in contemporary performance, and several internships at various record companies, but evidently that’s not nearly enough for them. And when I asked what they meant when they said they offer a ‘highly competitive salary’ they evidently meant free pizza on Fridays. That’s pretty ballsy for a band no one’s ever heard of.”

The group’s manager Chase Kyleston defended the job requirements.

“We’ve had this bass player position open for a full year now,” said Kyleston before rejecting an applicant because they didn’t include a cover letter. “And we’ve had to turn down hundreds of unqualified candidates and even a few qualified ones that just didn’t vibe right. It’s like no one wants to work for little to no compensation anymore. I don’t really think it’s unreasonable to ask for years of hands-on exposure, at least a few platinum records under their belts, and manager-level experience in Nine Inch Nails. We’d even accept someone who played the main stage at Coachella within the last five years. We’re not that picky.”

Human Resources expert Rebecca Gainesville believes this irrational employer trend is here to stay.

“Beginner jobs that require an absurd amount of experience are like employment catch-22,” said Gainseville. “In theory, someone with years of exposure wouldn’t accept an entry-level position, and anyone who’s just starting out wouldn’t have enough experience. It’s like how Matt Skiba got the guitarist job in blink-182. His years of exposure in Alkaline Trio made him a perfect candidate for the position. Imagine if he turned that down for a spot in some no-name band who opened for other no-name bands? Wouldn’t happen. Hiring managers really need to lower their expectations.”

At press time, Dawson took matters into his own hands and formed a small startup band, citing his “entrepreneurial spirit and background in hustle.”

How to Save Money on Therapy by Trauma Dumping on Your Friends at Every Conceivable Opportunity

Posted on by John Danek

Talk therapy is a service that almost all people could benefit from. Unfortunately, it costs about $700 per minute and most therapists kinda suck at their jobs anyhow. So instead, consider an alternative: trauma dumping to your friends every single time you interact with them. Never mind the fact that they aren’t “technically therapists” and could theoretically “have their own problems.” Let the Hard Times be your guide.

Save time by skipping saying “Hello” and diving right into the pain
Casual greetings like “Hi,” “Hello,” or “How’s it going?” subtract from the time you could be talking about your rough experiences, negative thoughts, and perceived slights onto your friends. Interrupt their meaningless greetings and get right to the heart of the matter.

Only talk about yourself
Asking questions invites the chance for someone other than you to talk about themselves. Since you will only ever experience life from your own perspective, why waste time with irrelevant narratives? Only your truth matters even if you need to embellish it for dramatic effect.

Twist the Knife
Avoid undercutting the severity of your problems by following up with a joke or any sense of levity. Everything is deathly serious. Respond to their attempts at humor with a scowl. This is therapy, not stand-up comedy.

Get defensive if they claim they “aren’t a therapist”
Sure, your friends may not be licensed, qualified, or willing to be your therapist. But they signed up to be your friend and that is legally binding enough. Attack them if they don’t want to listen to you, then call up a different friend and dump this new meta-trauma on them.

Don’t say “Goodbye” after a massive trauma dump
Similar to Step 1, don’t give your friends any sense of finality or closure that this conversation or chapter of hurt is over. Leave them with a lingering sense of worry so they feel guilty not following up in a timely fashion.

Review: Wet Leg “Wet Leg”

Posted on by Bobby Korec

Each week The Hard Times takes a good hard look at a banger of an album. This week we’ll be sitting down with the highly acclaimed self-titled 2022 debut from British band Wet Leg.

Not many albums are as impressive, infectious, irreverent, and downright fun as Wet Leg’s. It’s so good that they released six singles for it. That’s more than “Nevermind” had. Highly recommend giving this record a listen. Just make sure to exercise extreme caution because tracks will get stuck in your head for literal days at a time with no relief in sight.

Take “Chaise Longue” for instance. It’s so catchy that it took me a solid month to get that one out of my noggin. Sure, at first it’s all fun and games when the lyric “excuse me (what)” randomly pops in your brain several times an hour or during sex. But good luck trying to fall asleep at night when this bop is just repeating itself between the ears like that awkward thing you said in seventh grade.

The only way I successfully got this track out of my head was by inadvertently swapping it with Wet Leg’s song “Wet Dream.” This is another excellent track, yet it somehow just as easily gets lodged deep within the crevices of your cerebral cortex. And don’t even get me started on hits like “Angelica” or “Oh No” either.

It’s almost as if their songs are little catchy parasites that infect your brain and consume your every being until you die or are physically decapitated. It’s exactly like those fungus zombies from “The Last of Us” but instead of being diabolical mushrooms, it’s cool indie songs that poison you and make you do their bidding. It makes sense when you consider that this album already made me buy their merch and tickets to one of their shows. Possibly against my will.

To wrap up, I haven’t had to listen to this album in months because it somehow reprogrammed my brain to only think, see, and communicate in these songs and lyrics. So on one hand I have nothing but love for this record. On the other hand, it is quite possibly an apocalyptic detriment to the brain that needs to be destroyed before it gradually wipes out the human race. Can’t tell for sure.

Score: 10 out of 10 (though it might be the Wet Leg songs talking)

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