CHICAGO — Local punk Gary “Crutch” Burke’s girlfriend Jacquelyn Flowers, who helped Burke get off of drugs, stop living on the street, and is paying…
SAVANNAH, Ga. — Record store employee Ian Benedict endured yet another judgement by a customer yesterday, who thought his Coheed & Cambria symbol forearm tattoo…
PITTSBURGH — Local attorney and hair metal fanatic Rourke Caldwell asked a jury this morning to consider the “landmark case of Roth v. Hagar” when…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local musician Wes Feltus is allegedly receiving ill-placed sympathy from friends who assume his income came from playing music until the COVID-19…
LOS ANGELES — The hit animated sitcom “Family Guy” is celebrating 20 seasons this year as America’s top choice for something to have on in…
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor Michael Hagen’s unwillingness to sacrifice…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of local punk band Loogie Howser are eager to return to their bustling itinerary of playing nearly three shows a year,…
WASHINGTON — America’s first-born males made a stunning about-face to decades of tradition yesterday by announcing they will no longer buy alcohol for siblings younger…
NEW YORK — Leading economists warned today that raising the minimum wage to $15 will severely impede the ability of elite Americans to be born…
BALTIMORE — Local thrash metal band Gynosphinx reportedly spent close to $500 to soundproof their practice space last week out of respect for their neighbors…
BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused him to run a “‘Dopesmoker’…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Guitar Center manager Marcella Doyle was taken aback earlier this week when alternative rock band Everclear began signing autographs and selling…
WILMINGTON, N.C. — Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction, according to a new study…
LOS ANGELES — Drum Chum, the “world’s most lifelike” drum machine, can fully simulate the experience of a real drummer by impulsively tapping on the…
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase has made them collectively broke…