PORTLAND, Ore. — Local trans woman Emma Nelson was forced to cross the street last night to avoid an ambush from “well-wishing allies,” whose constant…
Friend’s Actual Personality Somehow Worse Than Internet Persona
By James Siboni
TAMPA, Fla. — Local man Garrett Doyle has somehow managed to build a real-life personality even more insufferable than the one he portrays online, according…
Guest Vocalist Overstays His Welcome
By Dan Luberto
SHEBOYGAN, Wis. — Up-and-coming hardcore band Fistface are unsure what to do with a guest vocalist who has grossly overstayed his invite to their studio,…
Guy Apparently Came to Show to Talk Loudly the Entire Fucking Time
By The Hard Times Staff
PITTSBURGH, Penn. — According to witnesses at last night’s weekly metal showcase at The Clink, one man would not “shut his stupid goddamn mouth for…