If you’re like me, the Super Bowl is the only football game you’ll watch all year. Maybe a coworker invited you to a viewing party…
Looking out at the marina, my only thought between swigs of Pepto Bismol and Jim Beam cocktails is “what the hell happened?” Just this morning…
Nice little shop you got here. I like the basic, minimalist approach- you probably keep all the good stuff for yourself, huh? Hey, relax, I’m…
Oh no! Did my words offend you? Pweease don’t kwyy, I sowwy— just to be clear, that was a baby voice, not a problematic accent,…
CARY, N.C. — Local co-op worker Alan Swanson is fed up with assumptions that he’s somehow in charge of coworkers at least 12 years his…
CINCINNATI — Local resident Ricardo Korm reportedly asked several passersby for money yesterday to buy Patreon-exclusive content from his favorite podcasts, according to sources outside…
ODESSA, Texas — Touring hardcore band Mormon Conversion Unit was criticized last night for failing to observe the established etiquette of wiping down the equipment…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local music fan Don Glenswig was elated last night to discover a long line for the bathroom in which to waste time…
NEW YORK — Self-described anti-fascist black metal band Ornamental Sun admitted that, although the group’s lyrics often detail horrifically violent scenes of dismemberment and torture…
I love to travel. Travel is the first interest listed on all my dating apps, right above Cards Against Humanity, and “adventures,” which is basically…
TULSA, Okla. — Christian rapper Young Xannah admitted today that the only beef he refuses to “squash” is his ongoing conflict with the act of…
AMHERST, Mass. — Local resident Minkont Cranford stunned his roommates yesterday with his acquisition of an oversized, bulky organ, discovered on the street for free…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — A study conducted at Moog Music’s NAMM trade show booth found that everyone firmly believes they correctly pronounce the synth manufacturer’s name,…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — UNCG sophomore Dylan Godsin, already known to many on campus as “hat guy,” made a major play yesterday for the additional mantle…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — A post to the popular classifieds website Craigslist advertising a couch for sale contained several barely-veiled references to the sofa’s rich sexual…