ARVADA, Colo. — Local guy Nathan Thorpe is having an “absolute fucking banner” year, thanks to his penchant for explaining the details of fast-paced current…
Hey Bro! Nice chin goatee. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business. We know that, as a puss-crushing smash machine,…
I cannot believe this has to be said out in the open on the internet instead of in private like a reasonable person might do,…
ANTIOCH, Calif. — Local punk Dom Medico realized yesterday that his so-called “glory days” that are now far in his rearview mirror were mostly boring…
“Overall, a huge disappointment and not worth the money or hassle” You know what those are? Those are your last words, asshole. Yeah. You, Mister…
JONESBORO, Ark. — Local burnout Declan Goddard finally achieved his long-term goal of securing a “sort of funny” and “only a little sad” credit score…
RIO RANCHO, N.M. — A single song by prog-rock legends Rush was mistaken for an entire prog-rock album by radio listener Melissa Chavez, according to…
SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept one young woman off her…
MADISON, Wisc. — Derek Carlson surprised his girlfriend Jessica Kravtsova today with the gift of allowing her to make all of the couple’s Valentine’s Day…
Listen, you all can celebrate Bullet for My Valentine until your hearts melt, but just know that you’re being manipulated by the greeting card industry.…
MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of the few relationships that’s somehow…
It’s fine. I am telling you it’s fine. If it will make you feel better I will already do it first. I mean I haven’t…