DETROIT — A group of squatting punks became unwitting participants in the eternal struggle of man-versus-nature last week, as each side fought to reclaim an…
JACKSON, Miss. — Loyal Smiths fan Jaden Woods is desperately pushing a conspiracy theory that the real Morrissey died decades ago, and the politically controversial…
NEW YORK — An alarming new study conducted by a research panel of angry baby boomers found that 82% of millennials can not locate Paradise…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Guitarist Loyd Schneider raced back and forth between two different venues last night after booking shows with his hardcore band The…
BALTIMORE — Self-proclaimed beer snob Jeremy Drika pretended last night to thoughtfully peruse the beer list at a local brewpub before picking solely based on…
BOSTON — A legendary and possibly mythical mosher was allegedly spotted last night enjoying a four-course French meal in the pit a hardcore show without…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
SARASOTA, Fla — Local man Daniel Mulrennan made a potentially friendship-damaging mistake moments ago, blurting out, “I can’t make it” before his friend even said…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local punk Niles Torsten displayed the “LOV” and “HAT” tattoos on his gnarled fingers last night while warning partygoers about improper…
ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Teenage punk and C+ student Geoff Berger was given a second yearbook photo this week to accommodate his 18-inch high, multi-colored…
By 1969, the Chipmunks had hit a creative and commercial brick wall, with the public seemingly sick of rodent-based novelty songs. The band and manager…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Real-deal, bloodsucking vampire Count Adhemar Chauve-Souris was vehemently dismissed as a poser today by mall goths he was recruiting for his gaggle…
LODI, N.J. — A group of neighborhood kids scattered and hid for the rest of the afternoon yesterday after their baseball accidentally smashed “crazy old…
LUBBOCK, Texas — Aging punk and amateur life coach Robbie Ginsburg was charged today with criminal negligence after authorities discovered four of his mentees died…
MESA, Ariz. — Local man Jeffrey Woodward is running out of good sides of his mouth to chew with, thanks to his lack of dental…