ROCKLAND, Mass. — Local man Eddie Clifford was surprised to discover the most recent extended voicemail from his mother Ruth featured a cameo from acclaimed singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers, confirmed multiple confused sources.
“My mom’s voicemails always start off the same. She starts with ‘I love you, I miss you’ and then it usually gets kind of dark when she starts to let loose with what she actually wanted to say,” said Clifford while trying to upload the voicemail message to Youtube. “Today was different though, around the four-minute mark my mother just stopped talking and suddenly it was Phoebe Bridgers singing a beautiful song about how my mother raised me to be better than this, and how I need to take a long look in the mirror. Then it cut back to my mom who sounded a little tipsy saying ‘Don’t bother calling me back.’”
Bridgers, who has been a featured guest vocalist on multiple notable tracks over the past few years, says she was excited to work with Clifford’s 64-year-old mother.
“I first discovered Ruth by accident on Facebook in 2017. She would post some of the most hilarious status updates like ‘Why is Eddie getting married?’ and ‘Can I force my son oldest son to get a divorce?’ I think she was trying to use Google but got confused,” said Bridgers during a 40-second break from touring. “I had my management reach out to her immediately. It took her nearly six years to respond, but it was worth the wait. When I heard she planned on having a bottle of wine and calling her son I needed to be a part of it. I asked her to do some work with boygenius, but that led her to talk about how Eddie did really good in school and now acts like an idiot.”
Popular music reviewer Anthony Fantano was quick to praise the collaboration between Mrs. Clifford and Bridgers.
“Ruth Clifford has been known for years in the underground voicemail world as one of the most prolific talkers of her generation, and combining that with the toned-down style of Phoebe Bridgers is taking the ‘guilt trip voicemail’ to a new level,” said Fantano. “Not once do any of Ruth’s complaints seem forced, and it’s justifiable that she wants to hear from her oldest son more often. Then when Phoebe comes in—it’s just a punch straight to the guy. I just hope my own mother and Phoebe can also collaborate on a voicemail about how I’m a personal disappointment despite my success.”
At press time, Mrs. Clifford admitted she would be taking a break from voicemails while she tries to figure out why her television remote is “acting so weird.”
These don’t count as Weezer albums, and we are eternally grateful for that. Still, it’s important to acknowledge that they exist so listeners understand just how much content Weezer churns out. Rivers Cuomo made an EP for each of the four seasons and still plans to make more Weezer albums soon. He recorded “Christmas With Weezer” and yet he felt the need to record another wintery release with “SZNZ: Winter” over a decade later. “Ride or die” Weezer fans are brave as hell for committing to such a long and inconsistent ride.
As the proverbial Yin to the excellent White Album’s Yang, we should’ve known this would suck long before the first single dropped. Maybe it would’ve been better if Weezer delayed the album to improve it instead of using their extra time to go on side quests like “Africa” and that tour with The Pixies. It’s almost poetic how these 10 mediocre tracks balance out the band’s better work.
Much like the toxic cycle of giving a mouse a cookie, you can’t ask Weezer to cover “Africa” without Rivers rushing into the studio to record several other tracks that nobody asked for. This sounds more like Weezer going to karaoke night than Weezer going into the studio to make music. We respect their commitment to getting their money’s worth for that party room reservation, but it didn’t need to be an album.
Nothing sets this apart from other Weezer albums beyond “Lost” star Jorge Garcia’s smiling face on the cover. “Memories” rules yet somehow the “Jackass 3D” credits version hits harder. The album’s lows aren’t terrible but the highs aren’t anything to write home about. Worst of all, it made us rewatch “Lost” and get pissed at the ending all over again.
Letting people who are not Rivers Cuomo sing in Weezer seemed like a fun concept in theory. Unfortunately, one of those people was Scott Shriner, a bassist. That isn’t this album’s worst offense — it also helped Weezer win a Grammy. Every time someone refers to Weezer as a Grammy-winning band, they perpetuate falsehoods about this album being good.
Weezer doesn’t have a good track record with black albums. This one has an uncomfortable song about wanting to comfort an ex-girlfriend after her new partner’s death and a rejected “Shrek 2” track, yet it’s still the lesser of two evils in retrospect. It’s got all the secondhand embarrassment of “Pinkerton” without as many redeeming qualities. When one such quality is a soulless jock jam about Beverly Hills, fans have the right to worry.
Music doesn’t have to be great to be enjoyable. Sometimes all you need is Lil Wayne saying “Okay bitch, it’s Weezer and it’s Weezy” and a photo of a dog having the time of his life. However, said dog never listened to “Raditude” so take his endorsement with a grain of salt. Most human Weezer fans don’t have that much unconditional love, even for Weezer.
This is definitely a Weezer album that came out in 2017. It tries to ride the high of the White album, and fans of that one will probably like this one too. However, naming songs “Feels Like Summer” and “Beach Boys” doesn’t automatically make them the songs of the summer. The production doesn’t save the album from being compressed into generic power pop. Thankfully, Weezer’s generic power pop shines bright enough for us to forgive that.
Weezer tried to establish themselves as serious rock musicians during this album’s recording sessions by leaking singles to radio stations without label approval. This angered their label, who demanded an apology, but Weezer never complied because they have no shame. That shamelessness only becomes more obvious with each repetitive riff and desperate attempt to maintain relevancy, culminating in a disastrous “Muppet Show” appearance where Miss Piggy kidnaps and tortures drummer Pat Wilson. True rock stars don’t lose fights to puppets.
Weezer’s second self-titled album made us realize they were really committed to the monochrome self-titled album bit, though not as dedicated to making great songs or consistent albums. This one has “Hash Pipe” and “Island In The Sun” so we can’t complain too much. Say what you will about the formulaic B-side but Weezer still isn’t the worst band to write a song called “Photograph” in the early aughts.
Ever wondered what an orchestral pop Weezer album would sound like? The result is surprisingly decent when Rivers isn’t going off about how technology is bad. We just wish the band started playing with an orchestra sooner. It would do wonders for a potential Broadway residency if enough New Yorkers realized that even a bad Weezer performance is leagues above the average “Cats” matinee.
Without sounding like Matt Damon in that infamous SNL skit, Van Weezer is unironically one of the band’s best works. It’s not the misguided glam rock tribute band at your least favorite bar — it’s a stadium-worthy homage to Van Halen that remains unapologetically Weezy. Even the goofy “Crazy Train” sample goes hard. Call this album a guilty pleasure all you want, but don’t deny its ridiculous joy.
Originally titled “Sorry about the late aughts,” this “Raditude” apology proves that Weezer can indeed stop partying and make good music if they put their minds to it. They even include some lengthy guitar solos for those who want to listen to Weezer without memorizing so many cringeworthy lyrics. While it’s unclear when Weezer’s discography will ever come to an end, these songs prove that might not be a bad thing.
Artists have tried and failed to write songs about California since the beginning of time, yet Weezer accomplished this daunting task by releasing a consistently gorgeous album about the Golden State. Warm, summery, and surprisingly romantic, it’s possibly the only Weezer album that you can play on a date without making things weird. The Red Hot Chili Peppers wish they made this masterpiece.
When this album came out, everyone generally agreed it was the second-best Weezer album. That’s still true but now people say that as a compliment. Even those who criticize this record for objectifying women or inspiring a generation of emo bands prefer it over any post-Y2K Weezer release. Music that makes us feel gross is still more interesting than music that makes us feel nothing.
Even if Weezer were a consistent band with 15 good albums, this would remain their magnum opus. Weezer lovers and haters alike can’t resist the urge to sing along to “Buddy Holly” and “Say It Ain’t So” — though to be fair, the Venn diagram between those two groups is a circle. It’s the one truly perfect Weezer album. Good luck trying to convince any record store clerk otherwise. The last guy we sent is still missing.
A classic in the burger and fast food world. These White Castle sliders pack quite a punch and straddle the line between fake meat and animal meat, a perfect option for those trying to give meat-based burgers a shot.
We’re putting this on here not necessarily as a recommendation but more as a reminder that turkey burgers are a product that exists. It’s more important to say that you like turkey burgers around people who saw you when you used to be fat.
The ground beef burger is the Big Daddy and the most commonly found meat-based Impossible Burger imitator. It has all of the Impossible Burger taste without any of the smugness of eating a meatless product. Ground beef is also an essential aspect of an all-meat diet and is the building block of all nutrition and health.
You will start documenting your all-meat diet on social media. You will go instantly viral and land yourself as a guest on the Joe Rogan Experience. You and Joe will really hit it off and he’ll grill you up some elk burgers while you and Ted Nugent play some blues riffs together in the garage.
Now this is one of the most satisfying burgers of them all. After your Rogan appearance, you will be more powerful than ever and will be able to order the deaths and patty-forming procedure of anyone who has ever wronged you.
