WEST LAWN, Penn. — A generation-defining show at local basement venue The Bottleneck was briefly interrupted last night when venue/home owner Doug Stinson had to…
KALISPELL, Mont. — The Kalispell Police Department was directed by city officials yesterday to sell its Seawolf-class nuclear attack submarine amidst nationwide protests to defund…
I’m not afraid of ghosts. They actually fascinate me quite a bit. So I’m not at all concerned that my new house seems to be…
I know, you probably hear this all the time. Hell, everyone wants to believe that they’re some special soul that broke the mold. But I…
You know, when this couple asked to have sex in my hot tub I kind of just assumed they meant with me as well. But…
Opinion: I Hope We Can Still Be Friends Because I May Need to Borrow Money or Your Car at Some Point
Opinion: I Hope We Can Still Be Friends Because I May Need to Borrow Money or Your Car at Some Point
Listen, this isn’t working out. Sorry. I’m sure this must come as a shock to you especially since I overdrew our joint bank account last…
TRENTON, N.J. — 31-year-old punk William “Billy Club” Moore’s new model-building hobby is primarily just a socially acceptable means for the scene elder to continue…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Federal Government announced today that, due to a plummeting economy related to the COVID-19 pandemic, it will layoff three states in…
Listen up you capitalist dogs! We’ve been looking at this whole pandemic thing all wrong. Sure, right now the coronavirus is a seemingly unstoppable global…
CONROE, Texas — RadioShack employee Rachel Meinke reportedly has “no fucking clue” why she’s considered an essential employee during the COVID-19 lockdown, bored and kind…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…
AKRON, Ohio — Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden announced a new initiative today during a campaign stop at a tire manufacturing plant, promising to “wipe…
PORTLAND, Maine — Residents of local punk house the Fire Trap added more tap water today to the house’s already severely diluted bottle of Dr.…
Few character actors have had as prolific of a career as the great Joe Don Baker. But who are we kidding? Unless you recently binged…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Garreth Wilkes announced today that he will send a vicious death threat to his sitting…