Is It Intrusive Thoughts or Is My Taint Actually Way Too Long?
Before I run back upstairs to get the tape measure again I want to be absolutely sure about this. If…
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James Knapp — Page 17
317 stories found
“I’m a Spooky Boy” Mutters Matt Skiba Repeatedly While Staring At Self In a Cracked Mirror
LOS ANGELES — Notorious punk rock ghoul Matt Skiba was spotted monotonously saying the phrase “I’m a spooky boy” over…
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Skateboarding Defines Me as a Person in That I’m Not Good at It and Don’t Know Why I Keep Trying
I am a skater. Skating is who I am. While the rest of you were off learning how to read…
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Opinion: Passing Out On The Neighbor’s Lawn Technically Counts As Camping
I’ve always been the outdoorsy type. There’s nothing I love more than wrapping myself in a dirty flannel and striking…
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Oh You’re My Ex? Name Three Imagined Arguments I’ve Won In My Head Since Our Totally Mutual Breakup
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. So you’re my ex, huh? You’re the person I’ve been obsessively constructing imagined…
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How I Saved $500 A Month By Firing The Family Counselor Who Told Me To Stop Fat-shaming My Children
Look, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it: I enjoy having more…
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Fans Divided On New Supergroup Crosby, Stills, Nash & Danzig
PARAMUS, N.J. — Recently formed supergroup Crosby, Stills, Nash & Danzig received a mixed reaction from fans unsure of the…
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White Liberals Quietly Take Down Yard Sign For Tax Season
CAMP HILL, Penn. — Suburban couple George and Esme Albertson discretely removed their sweatshop-grade cardboard yard sign, which professed unwavering…
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We Went To A House Show In Brooklyn And It Still Cost Us $330 Somehow
Every once in a while we feel like we have to get back to our roots. It’s become even more…
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Conspiracy Theorist Trying To Figure How To Fit the Food Pyramid Into All This
PEMBROKE, N.H. — Local crackpot Denise Bemis recently hit a roadblock in her conspiratorial ramblings when she began trying to…
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