TACOMA, Wash. — Local 33-year-old Darrell Ornsby realized yesterday that “the universe is a lie and life is a joke” as he transferred a load…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Scene members held a candlelight vigil last night for Gary Johnson, the still-alive merch guy for punk band The Orphan Molesters who…
TAMPA, Fla. — Ronnie “The Neck” Garefino, the virtuoso guitarist for the speed metal band Fisting Frankenstein, is admittedly “totally clueless” when it comes to…
DENVER — Newly single man Chris Fangerburg held a moment of silence for his former relationship today, lowering the toilet seat in his recently rented…
LOS ANGELES — A study from the TV ratings conglomerate Nielsen found that Americans spend an average of 12% of their income on streaming services…
CUMBERLAND, Md. — Residents of local punk house the Couch Arsenal rotated the only ashtray on the premises yesterday to allow guests easier access, wheezy…
LEMOYNE, Penn. — Roommate and all-around jackass Glen Sullivan reportedly drank the last beer in the house moments after having sex with your girlfriend of…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Regal Cinemas CFO David Ownby asked his friend and HBO Max subscriber Richard Lansing yesterday to please share his HBO Max password…
The Covid-19 pandemic has drastically altered how we celebrate special occasions with our loved ones and now that’s it’s impacted me personally, I’m no longer…
SEATTLE — Singer Ryan Kemper’s commitment to a sober lifestyle brought an alarming realization yesterday: his band of more than a decade, Voodoo Bukowski, is…
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this morning instead of the Coors…
PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only, during a recent virtual show,…
Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward. Shit. How did I even…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s classic “Ace of Spades,” unreasonably…
That is just disgusting! Who would be so thoughtless as to squirt down a thick, sludgy poop in the corner of the living room that…